¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

HOMEWORK

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ±è*¿¬
2021-07-01 355

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

The best way to prevent cell phone addiction is

First. It is to limit the time of using the cell phone.

Second. It is to make another hobbys. Then I will be able to cut back on using my cell phone. because. I do another hobbys.

Third. It is I don't intall too many games on my phone. because If I don't see the games you'll feel less inclined to play it.

these sre the best ways for me to sanction cell phone use.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hello Jenny,

  Thank you for taking time to answer this question. It only proves that you really wanted to improve in your English skill. Please do check and take note of the corrections for your improvement. I hope it helped you. 

Keep up the good work!

Sincerely,
Teacher Annie (^^)





The best way to prevent cell phone addiction is
>>> The best way to prevent cell phone addiction is the following. 


First. It is to limit the time of using the cell phone.
>>> First, is to limit the time of using the cell phone.

Second. It is to make another hobbys. Then I will be able to cut back on using my cell phone. because. I do another hobbys.
>>> Second is to make another hobby. In doing so, I will be able to cut back on using my cell phone because I do other hobbies.

Third. It is I don't intall too many games on my phone. because If I don't see the games you'll feel less inclined to play it.
>>> Third is not to install too many games on my phone because if I don't see the games then I'll feel less inclined to play them.

these sre the best ways for me to sanction cell phone use.
>>> These are the best ways for me to sanction cell phone use.

¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
110172 How do you control your anger? ³ë*ÀÌ ¿Ï·á 2021-07-20 1
110171 Homework ÇÔ*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2021-07-20 0
110170 Fill in the blanks ÀÌ*À± ¿Ï·á 2021-07-20 497
110169 My parents never force me to \"do this, you have to do this\". ±è*¶û ¿Ï·á 2021-07-20 360
110168 Do you have food that you hate? If so, what is it and why? ³ë*ÀÌ ¿Ï·á 2021-07-20 1
110167 Tuesday homework ¹Ú*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2021-07-20 423
110166 Monday homework ¹Ú*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2021-07-20 461
110165 7/19 homework ±è*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2021-07-20 482
110164 7/20 homework ±è*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2021-07-20 470
110163 Homework ÀÓ*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2021-07-20 3
110162 IELTS test question Á¤*À± ¿Ï·á 2021-07-20 1
110161 Nowadays many people aim to create a balance between their work... Ȳ*ÇÏ ¿Ï·á 2021-07-20 383
110160 Task ÀÌ*ÁØ ¿Ï·á 2021-07-20 402
110159 Friday homework ¹Ú*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2021-07-20 539
110158 Homework ¿ì*¼­ ¿Ï·á 2021-07-20 443
110157 What is the worst problem you have ever faced in your life and... ¹Ú*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2021-07-20 458
110156 Homework ¾ç*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-07-20 0
110155 Page 34 ¿À*Àº ¿Ï·á 2021-07-19 0
110154 Are you a spender or a saver of money? Why? ÃÖ*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2021-07-19 448
110153 I love fish and seafood. ÀÌ*ÇÏ ¿Ï·á 2021-07-19 454

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04