¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

HOMEWORK

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ±è*¿¬
2021-07-03 407

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

Yes, I believe music can heal.
Because there are Music psychotherapy.
If something sad happened to me, and I listen to music, I feel healed.
And I think music change people's emotion.
when I listen exciting music my emotion change exciting.
Music heals me, and change my feeling.
That's why music is amazing!!!!

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hello Jenny,

  Thank you for taking time to answer this question. It only proves that you really wanted to improve in your English skill. Please do check and take note of the corrections for your improvement. I hope it helped you. 

Keep up the good work!

Sincerely,
Teacher Annie (^^)




Yes, I believe music can heal.
>>> CORRECT

Because there are Music psychotherapy.
>>> Because there is something called Music Psychotherapy.

If something sad happened to me, and I listen to music, I feel healed.
>>> If something sad happened to me, I just listen to music and I feel healed.

And I think music change people's emotion.
>>> And I think music can change people's emotions.

when I listen exciting music my emotion change exciting.
>>> When I listen to exciting music my emotions change, I feel excited.

Music heals me, and change my feeling.
>>> Music heals me and changes my feeling.

That's why music is amazing!
>>> CORRECT
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
109471 6/16 homework ³ª*Çö ¿Ï·á 2021-06-18 635
109470 Task ÀÌ*ÁØ ¿Ï·á 2021-06-18 565
109469 What is a mistake that you would want to repeat? ¹Ú*°æ ¿Ï·á 2021-06-18 567
109468 HW ±è*¼ö ¿Ï·á 2021-06-18 479
109467 What would you like to know about your country? ÇÏ*Á¶ ¿Ï·á 2021-06-18 475
109466 Are you currently raising a pet? If not, have you ever thought... ±è*¼ö ¿Ï·á 2021-06-17 496
109465 homework ¹Ú*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2021-06-17 3
109464 grammar ¼Õ*¸² ¿Ï·á 2021-06-17 547
109463 HOMEWORK ±è*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2021-06-17 464
109462 The most livable in my country ¹Î*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2021-06-17 1
109461 Fill in the blanks ÀÌ*À± ¿Ï·á 2021-06-17 447
109460 Homework Ç¥*È£ ¿Ï·á 2021-06-17 4
109459 I want to be a cat! Among the small ones. ±è*¶û ¿Ï·á 2021-06-17 554
109458 What Korean policy/law do you think should be removed? ·ù*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2021-06-17 567
109457 What do you consider in buying a house or apartment? ÀÌ*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2021-06-17 395
109456 Thursday homework ·ù*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2021-06-17 431
109455 What do you need to do, so you could do a half day at work? ±Ç*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2021-06-17 522
109454 HW ±è*¼ö ¿Ï·á 2021-06-17 0
109453 What Korean policy/law do you think should be removed? ÃÖ*¿ø ¿Ï·á 2021-06-17 426
109452 Do you want to work on weekends? Why or why not? ÀÌ*Çö ¿Ï·á 2021-06-17 580

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04