¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

What do you like do doing your free time

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ÀÌ*Áö
2021-07-09 191

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

I like listening music at my free time. I like k-pop music. So when I get a free time, I'm lie down my bed and listen to K-pop music. Now, my favorite K-pop music is weeekly- After school. Because, this song is about high school life. So, When I listen this music,, I can feel and remind my happy high school life.
And I like playing with my friends at my free time. My friends are kind and funny. So when I meet my friends, my feeling is very comfortable and happy. Now, on account of COVID virus, we can meet only four friends at the same time. And, next week, we should meet only 2 friends after 6 a clock. If COVID virus done, I will meet many friends at the same time and go trip with my friends.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hello, Minji!

Wow! I'm glad to know all these things. I also like listening to the K-pop music. I appreciate your effort in making a composition. GREAT COMPOSITION! Keep it up!

Let's talk more about this next time :)

Thank you and have a wonderful weekend~ ^^

~T. Roanne ^_^

=====================================
Suggestions and Corrections:

1. I like listening music at my free time.
>>  I like listening to music in my free time.

2.I like k-pop music.
>> CORRECT! OR  I like the K-pop music.

3. So when I get a free time, I'm lie down my bed and listen to K-pop music. 
>> So when I get a free time, I lie down on my bed and listen to the K-pop music.

4. Now, my favorite K-pop music is weeekly- After school.
>> CORRECT! OR  Now, my favorite K-pop music is weekly from After school.

5. Because, this song is about high school life. 
>> Because this song is about high school life.

6. So, When I listen this music,, I can feel and remind my happy high school life.
>>  So, When I listen to this music, It can make me feel happy and reminds me of my happy life in high school.

7. And I like playing with my friends at my free time. 
>> And I like playing with my friends in my free time. 

8. My friends are kind and funny. 
>> CORRECT!

9. So when I meet my friends, my feeling is very comfortable and happy. 
>> So when I meet my friends, I feel very comfortable and happy. 

10. Now, on account of COVID virus, we can meet only four friends at the same time. 
>> Now, on account of the COVID virus, we can only meet with four friends at the same time. 

11. And, next week, we should meet only 2 friends after 6 a clock. 
>> Next week, we should only meet with 2 friends after 6 a clock. 

12. If COVID virus done, I will meet many friends at the same time and go trip with my friends.
>> If the COVID virus is done, I will meet many friends at the same time and go on a trip with them.

¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
110167 Tuesday homework ¹Ú*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2021-07-20 182
110166 Monday homework ¹Ú*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2021-07-20 218
110165 7/19 homework ±è*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2021-07-20 248
110164 7/20 homework ±è*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2021-07-20 216
110163 Homework ÀÓ*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2021-07-20 3
110162 IELTS test question Á¤*À± ¿Ï·á 2021-07-20 1
110161 Nowadays many people aim to create a balance between their work... Ȳ*ÇÏ ¿Ï·á 2021-07-20 207
110160 Task ÀÌ*ÁØ ¿Ï·á 2021-07-20 236
110159 Friday homework ¹Ú*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2021-07-20 195
110158 Homework ¿ì*¼­ ¿Ï·á 2021-07-20 195
110157 What is the worst problem you have ever faced in your life and... ¹Ú*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2021-07-20 229
110156 Homework ¾ç*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-07-20 0
110155 Page 34 ¿À*Àº ¿Ï·á 2021-07-19 0
110154 Are you a spender or a saver of money? Why? ÃÖ*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2021-07-19 221
110153 I love fish and seafood. ÀÌ*ÇÏ ¿Ï·á 2021-07-19 211
110152 home work on July 16 ÃÖ*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2021-07-19 2
110151 If you had the power to go back to the past and the future,... ¹Ú*°æ ¿Ï·á 2021-07-19 216
110150 home work on July 19 ÃÖ*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2021-07-19 2
110149 Homework ÇÔ*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2021-07-19 1
110148 Homework °­*¼± ¿Ï·á 2021-07-19 239

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04