¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

What do you like do doing your free time

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ÀÌ*Áö
2021-07-09 396

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

I like listening music at my free time. I like k-pop music. So when I get a free time, I'm lie down my bed and listen to K-pop music. Now, my favorite K-pop music is weeekly- After school. Because, this song is about high school life. So, When I listen this music,, I can feel and remind my happy high school life.
And I like playing with my friends at my free time. My friends are kind and funny. So when I meet my friends, my feeling is very comfortable and happy. Now, on account of COVID virus, we can meet only four friends at the same time. And, next week, we should meet only 2 friends after 6 a clock. If COVID virus done, I will meet many friends at the same time and go trip with my friends.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hello, Minji!

Wow! I'm glad to know all these things. I also like listening to the K-pop music. I appreciate your effort in making a composition. GREAT COMPOSITION! Keep it up!

Let's talk more about this next time :)

Thank you and have a wonderful weekend~ ^^

~T. Roanne ^_^

=====================================
Suggestions and Corrections:

1. I like listening music at my free time.
>>  I like listening to music in my free time.

2.I like k-pop music.
>> CORRECT! OR  I like the K-pop music.

3. So when I get a free time, I'm lie down my bed and listen to K-pop music. 
>> So when I get a free time, I lie down on my bed and listen to the K-pop music.

4. Now, my favorite K-pop music is weeekly- After school.
>> CORRECT! OR  Now, my favorite K-pop music is weekly from After school.

5. Because, this song is about high school life. 
>> Because this song is about high school life.

6. So, When I listen this music,, I can feel and remind my happy high school life.
>>  So, When I listen to this music, It can make me feel happy and reminds me of my happy life in high school.

7. And I like playing with my friends at my free time. 
>> And I like playing with my friends in my free time. 

8. My friends are kind and funny. 
>> CORRECT!

9. So when I meet my friends, my feeling is very comfortable and happy. 
>> So when I meet my friends, I feel very comfortable and happy. 

10. Now, on account of COVID virus, we can meet only four friends at the same time. 
>> Now, on account of the COVID virus, we can only meet with four friends at the same time. 

11. And, next week, we should meet only 2 friends after 6 a clock. 
>> Next week, we should only meet with 2 friends after 6 a clock. 

12. If COVID virus done, I will meet many friends at the same time and go trip with my friends.
>> If the COVID virus is done, I will meet many friends at the same time and go on a trip with them.

¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
108850 Home work(5.24) ÀÌ*Àº ¿Ï·á 2021-05-26 541
108849 Homework ÀÓ*¼÷ ¿Ï·á 2021-05-26 502
108848 Task ÀÌ*ÁØ ¿Ï·á 2021-05-26 595
108847 Home work ±è*¼ö ¿Ï·á 2021-05-26 1
108846 HOMEWORK ±è*¼º ¿Ï·á 2021-05-25 479
108845 HOMEWORK ±è*¼º ¿Ï·á 2021-05-25 592
108844 Homework (290) ¹Ú*ÇÏ ¿Ï·á 2021-05-25 536
108843 If you can sell anything from your valuable things, what would... ±è*¿­ ¿Ï·á 2021-05-25 460
108842 What is one thing you are so proud about Seoul? ¾È*À± ¿Ï·á 2021-05-25 1
108841 Letter ¿À*º½ ¿Ï·á 2021-05-25 0
108840 What comes to mind when you hear the phrase \"domestic... ±è*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2021-05-25 561
108839 My homework Àü*¼± ¿Ï·á 2021-05-25 494
108838 If you can sell anything from your valuable things, what would... ÀÌ*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2021-05-25 627
108837 Moderna COVID-19 vaccine gets final nod in South Korea À¯*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-05-25 1
108836 Have you ever had problems with your neighbors? ³ë*ÀÌ ¿Ï·á 2021-05-25 2
108835 Do you like adventure? ÀÌ*ÇÏ ¿Ï·á 2021-05-25 547
108834 Homework °­*¾Æ ¿Ï·á 2021-05-25 484
108833 I play instruent when I am in my house. ±è*¶û ¿Ï·á 2021-05-25 693
108832 Who are five people you are closest with? And why? ±è*ÇÏ ¿Ï·á 2021-05-25 645
108831 Fill in the blanks ÀÌ*À± ¿Ï·á 2021-05-25 570

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04