¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

What do you like do doing your free time

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ÀÌ*Áö
2021-07-09 451

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

I like listening music at my free time. I like k-pop music. So when I get a free time, I'm lie down my bed and listen to K-pop music. Now, my favorite K-pop music is weeekly- After school. Because, this song is about high school life. So, When I listen this music,, I can feel and remind my happy high school life.
And I like playing with my friends at my free time. My friends are kind and funny. So when I meet my friends, my feeling is very comfortable and happy. Now, on account of COVID virus, we can meet only four friends at the same time. And, next week, we should meet only 2 friends after 6 a clock. If COVID virus done, I will meet many friends at the same time and go trip with my friends.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hello, Minji!

Wow! I'm glad to know all these things. I also like listening to the K-pop music. I appreciate your effort in making a composition. GREAT COMPOSITION! Keep it up!

Let's talk more about this next time :)

Thank you and have a wonderful weekend~ ^^

~T. Roanne ^_^

=====================================
Suggestions and Corrections:

1. I like listening music at my free time.
>>  I like listening to music in my free time.

2.I like k-pop music.
>> CORRECT! OR  I like the K-pop music.

3. So when I get a free time, I'm lie down my bed and listen to K-pop music. 
>> So when I get a free time, I lie down on my bed and listen to the K-pop music.

4. Now, my favorite K-pop music is weeekly- After school.
>> CORRECT! OR  Now, my favorite K-pop music is weekly from After school.

5. Because, this song is about high school life. 
>> Because this song is about high school life.

6. So, When I listen this music,, I can feel and remind my happy high school life.
>>  So, When I listen to this music, It can make me feel happy and reminds me of my happy life in high school.

7. And I like playing with my friends at my free time. 
>> And I like playing with my friends in my free time. 

8. My friends are kind and funny. 
>> CORRECT!

9. So when I meet my friends, my feeling is very comfortable and happy. 
>> So when I meet my friends, I feel very comfortable and happy. 

10. Now, on account of COVID virus, we can meet only four friends at the same time. 
>> Now, on account of the COVID virus, we can only meet with four friends at the same time. 

11. And, next week, we should meet only 2 friends after 6 a clock. 
>> Next week, we should only meet with 2 friends after 6 a clock. 

12. If COVID virus done, I will meet many friends at the same time and go trip with my friends.
>> If the COVID virus is done, I will meet many friends at the same time and go on a trip with them.

¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
108529 homework ±è*¼ö ¿Ï·á 2021-05-14 2
108528 I don\'t believe in astrology very well, and while it may be... ±è*¶û ¿Ï·á 2021-05-14 829
108527 Draft Report3, ±è*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2021-05-14 616
108526 Draft Report2, ±è*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2021-05-14 1151
108525 Draft Report2, ±è*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2021-05-14 775
108524 Work report1 ±è*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2021-05-14 786
108523 grammar ¼Õ*¸² ¿Ï·á 2021-05-14 597
108522 Writing task ±è*¾Æ ¿Ï·á 2021-05-14 525
108521 School Performance Assessment 4-2 (writing an article) ±è*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2021-05-14 4
108520 School Performance Assessment 4-1 (writing an article) ±è*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2021-05-14 5
108519 Who\'s music encourages you most? ³ë*ÀÌ ¿Ï·á 2021-05-14 1
108518 What is your favorite month and why? ·ù*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2021-05-14 617
108517 Friday homework ·ù*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2021-05-14 461
108516 Homework 5.14 Àå*º° ¿Ï·á 2021-05-14 1191
108515 What is your favorite month and why? Çã*´Ã ¿Ï·á 2021-05-14 2
108514 Will you allow your friends to visit your place? Why? ¼Û*·É ¿Ï·á 2021-05-14 1287
108513 Homework🌈 ¹Ú*¸® ¿Ï·á 2021-05-14 602
108512 Homework ÀÓ*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2021-05-14 1
108511 My homework Àü*¼± ¿Ï·á 2021-05-14 636
108510 Why I applied to Graduate school of Education. Á¶*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2021-05-14 629

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04