¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

HOMEWORK

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ±è*¿¬
2021-07-16 568

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

I think people become beautiful depending on how they make up their minds.

A person who keeps doing bad thoughts and actions cannot be beautiful, and I think that if you think and act beautifully, you can become beautiful.

If you try hard like this, you will be able to become beautiful easily.

So I'm trying to make my actions and thoughts beautiful in order to be beautiful.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hello Jenny,

  Thank you for taking time to answer this question. It only proves that you really wanted to improve in your English skill. Please do check and take note of the corrections for your improvement. I hope it helped you. 

Keep up the good work!

Sincerely,
Teacher Annie (^^)



I think people become beautiful depending on how they make up their minds.
>>> I think people become beautiful depending on how they think. 

A person who keeps doing bad thoughts and actions cannot be beautiful, and I think that if you think and act beautifully, you can become beautiful.
>>> A person who keeps on thinking of bad thoughts and bad actions cannot be beautiful. On contrary, if you think and act beautifully, you will become beautiful.

If you try hard like this, you will be able to become beautiful easily.
>>> If you try to think as hard as this then you'll be able to become beautiful inside and out. 

So I'm trying to make my actions and thoughts beautiful in order to be beautiful.
>>> CORRECT
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
108881 HW-2 ±è*¼ö ¿Ï·á 2021-05-26 549
108880 homework ¹Ú*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2021-05-26 4
108879 Homework (291) ¹Ú*ÇÏ ¿Ï·á 2021-05-26 715
108878 What are some of your bad habits ±è*¿ø ¿Ï·á 2021-05-26 608
108877 How do you spend holidays in Seoul? ¾È*À± ¿Ï·á 2021-05-26 2
108876 homework of monday ±è*±¸ ¿Ï·á 2021-05-26 725
108875 What are some of your bad habits and how do you think are you... ÀÌ*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2021-05-26 657
108874 If you could change your name, what would you change it to? ±è*ÇÏ ¿Ï·á 2021-05-26 614
108873 HOMEWORK Á¤*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2021-05-26 0
108872 homework Á¤*È£ ¿Ï·á 2021-05-26 0
108871 The best day of the week ÁÖ*³ª ¿Ï·á 2021-05-26 2
108870 The cello concert ±è*¶û ¿Ï·á 2021-05-26 541
108869 Which natural disaster do you fear most and why? ¿©*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-05-26 3
108868 My experience in traffic jam. ±è*±¹ ¿Ï·á 2021-05-26 3
108867 What are some of your bad habits and how do you think are you... ¿©*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-05-26 2
108866 . think ÀÌ*À± ¿Ï·á 2021-05-26 651
108865 Homework {05/26} Â÷*ºó ¿Ï·á 2021-05-26 545
108864 What are some of your bad habits and how do you think are you... ·ù*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2021-05-26 554
108863 Wednesday homework ·ù*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2021-05-26 568
108862 1st homework JB ¼Û*ºó ¿Ï·á 2021-05-26 522

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04