¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

HOMEWORK

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ±è*¿¬
2021-07-16 574

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

I think people become beautiful depending on how they make up their minds.

A person who keeps doing bad thoughts and actions cannot be beautiful, and I think that if you think and act beautifully, you can become beautiful.

If you try hard like this, you will be able to become beautiful easily.

So I'm trying to make my actions and thoughts beautiful in order to be beautiful.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hello Jenny,

  Thank you for taking time to answer this question. It only proves that you really wanted to improve in your English skill. Please do check and take note of the corrections for your improvement. I hope it helped you. 

Keep up the good work!

Sincerely,
Teacher Annie (^^)



I think people become beautiful depending on how they make up their minds.
>>> I think people become beautiful depending on how they think. 

A person who keeps doing bad thoughts and actions cannot be beautiful, and I think that if you think and act beautifully, you can become beautiful.
>>> A person who keeps on thinking of bad thoughts and bad actions cannot be beautiful. On contrary, if you think and act beautifully, you will become beautiful.

If you try hard like this, you will be able to become beautiful easily.
>>> If you try to think as hard as this then you'll be able to become beautiful inside and out. 

So I'm trying to make my actions and thoughts beautiful in order to be beautiful.
>>> CORRECT
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
108782 Cultures and traditions are different in each country so what... Çã*´Ã ¿Ï·á 2021-05-24 2
108781 Task ÀÌ*ÁØ ¿Ï·á 2021-05-24 660
108780 My homework Àü*¼± ¿Ï·á 2021-05-24 649
108779 How do you welcome your new neighbor to your community? ÇÏ*Á¶ ¿Ï·á 2021-05-24 697
108778 Homewokr ±è*È¿ ¿Ï·á 2021-05-23 572
108777 Homewokr ±è*È¿ ¿Ï·á 2021-05-23 947
108776 Homework ±è*È¿ ¿Ï·á 2021-05-23 572
108775 Home work(5.21) ÀÌ*Àº ¿Ï·á 2021-05-23 739
108774 Cultures and traditions are different in each country so what... ±è*¿­ ¿Ï·á 2021-05-23 645
108773 Do you think the past was better than the present? Why or why... ±è*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2021-05-23 557
108772 Homework ¹Ú*¹ü ¿Ï·á 2021-05-23 533
108771 Cultures and traditions are different in each country so what... ¿©*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-05-23 0
108770 What are the positive impacts of the COVID-19 pandemic? ¿©*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-05-23 0
108769 My favorite golf. ¹Î*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2021-05-23 1
108768 Are Koreans good at managing stress? À¯*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2021-05-23 753
108767 Have you ever seen someone \"walked out\" in a meeting because... À¯*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2021-05-23 652
108766 What part of your country would you ideally like to live in? ³ë*ÀÌ ¿Ï·á 2021-05-23 1
108765 What do you think makes \"A house\" into \"A home\"? ³ë*ÀÌ ¿Ï·á 2021-05-23 1
108764 Homework ±è*Çõ ¿Ï·á 2021-05-23 647
108763 What are the benefits of traveling? ±è*±¹ ¿Ï·á 2021-05-23 1103

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04