¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

What are some of the advantages and disadvantages of cell phones?

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ¹Ú*Àº
2021-07-16 330

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

Advantages of cell phones are convenient to communicate with other people and improve qualities of life.
By using cell phones, we can do almost everything with it such as making reservation, watching movies, and taking pictures.
However, cell phones make people's health worse than before they didn't use them.
Because of cell phones, people suffer of eyes and necks problems.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hello Christine!

Thank you for doing your homework. :)

I understand that English could be really difficult.

But it only takes faith and confidence in yourself to perfect it.

You are a smart person and I know that with constant practice you will do great¡¦ ^_^

Xoxo,

T. Christina ^^

Here are my corrections for you:


Advantages of cell phones are convenient to communicate with other people and improve qualities of life.

>> The advantages of cellphones are that it makes it convenient to communicate with other people and it improves the quality of life.
By using cell phones, we can do almost everything with it such as making reservation, watching movies, and taking pictures.

>> By using cell phones, we can do almost everything such as making reservations, watching movies, and taking pictures.
However, cell phones make people's health worse than before they didn't use them.

>> However, cell phones make people's health worse than before they weren't using them.
Because of cell phones, people suffer of eyes and necks problems.

>> Because of cell phones, people suffer from eye and neck problems.

¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
110443 turn on the radio Á¤*¾Æ ¿Ï·á 2021-08-02 350
110442 homework Àü*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2021-08-01 258
110441 My dream ¹Î*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2021-08-01 2
110440 How did the pandemic change your life ? Çã*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-08-01 2
110439 HOMEWORK ±Ç*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2021-08-01 345
110438 HOMEWORK ±Ç*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2021-08-01 276
110437 HOMEWORK ±Ç*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2021-08-01 266
110436 Page 63 ¿À*Àº ¿Ï·á 2021-07-31 356
110435 HOMEWORK ±è*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2021-07-31 358
110434 What do you think is the most important subject? ÇÏ*À± ¿Ï·á 2021-07-30 417
110433 Climate change is a big environmental problem that has become... Ȳ*ÇÏ ¿Ï·á 2021-07-30 534
110432 Homepoop ±è*À± ¿Ï·á 2021-07-30 387
110431 Homework °­*¼± ¿Ï·á 2021-07-30 428
110430 Homework ÇÔ*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2021-07-30 0
110429 How can you become happy again when you are sad? ³ë*ÀÌ ¿Ï·á 2021-07-30 1
110428 yes day2 ±è*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2021-07-30 450
110427 yes day ±è*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2021-07-30 698
110426 Homework ±è*Çõ ¿Ï·á 2021-07-30 452
110425 I love doing step by step~! ±è*¶û ¿Ï·á 2021-07-30 654
110424 Where do you read the news every day? ³ë*ÀÌ ¿Ï·á 2021-07-30 1

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04