¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

Homework

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ¾ç*Áø
2021-07-22 238

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

In your opinion, what would be the perfect age to retire? Why do you think so?
--> 75years old. The age to retire is usually 65years in Korea. But since the expected life span is getting longer, people need to get more money for their life after retiring and almost every people want to do something productive. Some companies already expanded the age to retire and my uncle who is order than 65 is still working in his company.
And lots of people get a new job or start their own business after retiring. Perhaps there is no exact time to retire theses days.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

I'm back Yejin! 
Definitely true! There is no perfect age for this. 
But I would recommend that retire when you have enough and enjoy the rest of your golden years. 
Thank you Yejin^^ 

75years old. 
>>> I think the perfect age would be 75 years old. 
The age to retire is usually 65years in Korea. 
>>> In Korea, retirement age is usually 65 years old.
But since the expected life span is getting longer, people need to get more money for their life after retiring and almost every people want to do something productive. 
>>> CORRECT! 
OR: However, because life expectancy is getting longer, people have to earn more money after retirement and almost everyone wants to do productive work.
Some companies already expanded the age to retire and my uncle who is order than 65 is still working in his company.
>>> Some companies already expanded the age to retire and my uncle who is older than 65 is still working in his company.
OR: Some companies have already increased their age to retirement age, and my uncle over 65 still works at the company.
And lots of people get a new job or start their own business after retiring. 
>>> CORRECT!
Perhaps there is no exact time to retire theses days.
>>> Perhaps there is no exact time to retire these days.

¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
110118 Homework 7.16 Àå*º° ¿Ï·á 2021-07-17 951
110117 home work on July 15 ÃÖ*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2021-07-17 1
110116 How do you keep yourself away from the dangers of disaster? ¾È*À± ¿Ï·á 2021-07-16 1
110115 Homework (309) ¹Ú*ÇÏ ¿Ï·á 2021-07-16 418
110114 What are some of the advantages and disadvantages of cell phones? ¹Ú*Àº ¿Ï·á 2021-07-16 311
110113 Homework ¿ì*¼­ ¿Ï·á 2021-07-16 542
110112 homework Á¤*È£ ¿Ï·á 2021-07-16 1
110111 Homework °­*¼± ¿Ï·á 2021-07-16 353
110110 Sorry plz make it skipped ¼Û*ö ¿Ï·á 2021-07-16 369
110109 I want to be like Wanda ±è*¶û ¿Ï·á 2021-07-16 410
110108 Fill in the blanks ÀÌ*À± ¿Ï·á 2021-07-16 355
110107 Summer Vacation!! Â÷*ºó ¿Ï·á 2021-07-16 337
110106 What is the worst problem you have ever faced in your life and... ·ù*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2021-07-16 381
110105 HOMEWORK ±è*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2021-07-16 314
110104 What are some of the advantages and disadvantages of cell phones? ³ë*ÀÌ ¿Ï·á 2021-07-16 1
110103 Homework: Àü*¿Á ¿Ï·á 2021-07-16 2
110102 Have ÃÖ*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2021-07-16 307
110101 Homework: Àü*¿Á ¿Ï·á 2021-07-16 2
110100 Friday homework ·ù*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2021-07-16 349
110099 Homework: Àü*¿Á ¿Ï·á 2021-07-16 2

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04