¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

Homework

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ¾ç*Áø
2021-07-22 276

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

In your opinion, what would be the perfect age to retire? Why do you think so?
--> 75years old. The age to retire is usually 65years in Korea. But since the expected life span is getting longer, people need to get more money for their life after retiring and almost every people want to do something productive. Some companies already expanded the age to retire and my uncle who is order than 65 is still working in his company.
And lots of people get a new job or start their own business after retiring. Perhaps there is no exact time to retire theses days.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

I'm back Yejin! 
Definitely true! There is no perfect age for this. 
But I would recommend that retire when you have enough and enjoy the rest of your golden years. 
Thank you Yejin^^ 

75years old. 
>>> I think the perfect age would be 75 years old. 
The age to retire is usually 65years in Korea. 
>>> In Korea, retirement age is usually 65 years old.
But since the expected life span is getting longer, people need to get more money for their life after retiring and almost every people want to do something productive. 
>>> CORRECT! 
OR: However, because life expectancy is getting longer, people have to earn more money after retirement and almost everyone wants to do productive work.
Some companies already expanded the age to retire and my uncle who is order than 65 is still working in his company.
>>> Some companies already expanded the age to retire and my uncle who is older than 65 is still working in his company.
OR: Some companies have already increased their age to retirement age, and my uncle over 65 still works at the company.
And lots of people get a new job or start their own business after retiring. 
>>> CORRECT!
Perhaps there is no exact time to retire theses days.
>>> Perhaps there is no exact time to retire these days.

¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
109643 Did you enjoy festivals better when you were still younger or do... ¿©*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-06-25 0
109642 Hello buddy ½É*½Ä ¿Ï·á 2021-06-25 450
109641 What is a very important thing to remember when driving a car?... ÃÖ*¼ö ¿Ï·á 2021-06-25 416
109640 What are some things about the eating habits you want to change? ±è*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2021-06-25 407
109639 Homework ±è*Çõ ¿Ï·á 2021-06-25 385
109638 What food can you recommend for me to eat in Korea? ÀÌ*Çö ¿Ï·á 2021-06-25 489
109637 Homework ÇÔ*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2021-06-25 1
109636 Homework ÀÓ*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2021-06-25 1
109635 What is the best place for a vacation in your country? Why is it... ÀÌ*Çö ¿Ï·á 2021-06-25 471
109634 Homework ÀÓ*¼÷ ¿Ï·á 2021-06-25 368
109633 homework : essay À±*Àº ¿Ï·á 2021-06-25 1
109632 Task ÀÌ*ÁØ ¿Ï·á 2021-06-25 352
109631 Do you need a bucket list? ¹Ú*°æ ¿Ï·á 2021-06-25 339
109630 What do you need to prepare for? ÇÏ*Á¶ ¿Ï·á 2021-06-25 350
109629 If you retire in the future, what do you think would your life... ÃÖ*¿ø ¿Ï·á 2021-06-25 290
109628 Did you ever want to be a model? ¾È*À± ¿Ï·á 2021-06-24 2
109627 Homework (304) ¹Ú*ÇÏ ¿Ï·á 2021-06-24 345
109626 6/23 homework ³ª*Çö ¿Ï·á 2021-06-24 328
109625 You have an urgent message to your manager, but he is talking to... À¯*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2021-06-24 1
109624 homework : essay À±*Àº ¿Ï·á 2021-06-24 3

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04