¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

Do you think that endangered species should be kept in captive breeding programs or released into th

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ÃÖ*¿ø
2021-07-23 514

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

I think endangered species need human help. But I think we should train these animals¡¯ instincts and release them into nature. because if animal make together with human, ecah animals¡¯ instincts lose. so I think it is endangered species in other mean.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi Won! ^^

Plants and animals maintain the health of an ecosystem. And, when species become endangered, it¡¯s a sign that an ecosystem is out of balance. This is why we should keep our environment healthy for no species to be extinct. 

Thank you for making an effort in answering your homework for today. You did an awesome job! I'm so proud of you. Please read all the corrections I wrote down below and analyze them. I know you can do it. See you soon.

I think endangered species need human help. 
>> CORRECT

But I think we should train these animals¡¯ instincts and release them into nature. 
>> Although I think that we should train their animal instincts and release them into nature. 

because if animal make together with human, ecah animals¡¯ instincts lose. 
>> Because it animals stay together with humans, they might loose their animal instincts. 

so I think it is endangered species in other mean.
>> I think endangered species should be released in the wild. 
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
111305 The difference between summer and autumn ÀÌ*ÇÏ ¿Ï·á 2021-08-26 484
111304 I want to study abroad ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2021-08-26 521
111303 Homework ±è*À± ¿Ï·á 2021-08-26 461
111302 What do you think is the best city in Korea and why? ÇÏ*À± ¿Ï·á 2021-08-26 453
111301 Do you think self-esteem affects beauty? ¹é*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-08-26 411
111300 ¿µÀÛ ¼÷Á¦ ÀÌ*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2021-08-26 0
111299 HOMEWORK ±è*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2021-08-26 424
111298 My birthday party ¹Î*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2021-08-26 1
111297 Homework ½É*»ó ¿Ï·á 2021-08-26 478
111296 Writing task: Who do you think needs charity the most? Á¶*¾Ö ¿Ï·á 2021-08-26 1
111295 ¼÷Á¦ ±è*ºñ ¿Ï·á 2021-08-26 519
111294 - Make sample sentences using given words ¼Û*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-08-26 1
111293 Fill in the blanks ÀÌ*À± ¿Ï·á 2021-08-26 475
111292 There are a lot of technology which is very helpful, but I think... Á¤*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2021-08-26 481
111291 - Make sample sentences using given words ¼Û*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-08-26 1
111290 - Make sample sentences using given words ¼Û*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-08-26 1
111289 What do you think is the best city in Korea and why? ·ù*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2021-08-26 736
111288 Thursday homework ·ù*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2021-08-26 441
111287 Homework °­*¸² ¿Ï·á 2021-08-26 1
111286 Things we can do ±â*Çö ¿Ï·á 2021-08-26 522

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04