¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

If you can make your own holiday, what would it be? When should it be celebrated and why?

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ·ù*ÁÖ
2021-07-26 359

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

If I can make my own holiday, I want to watch a lot of movies and I will celebrate it at one day on a vacation.
I love to watch a lot of movie but I watched almost interesting movies that are allowed to my age.
So I want to watch more movies that I didn't watched and I want to find interesting genre to me.
Actually I have a few movies that I want to watch but almost them are not allowed to my age or unopened.
And the reason that I want to celebrate this holiday at one day of a vacation is there is a lot of time when it is vacation.
And because of vacation, my friends can play a lot of time so I want to celebrate this holiday on a vacation.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi John! ^^

Wow! That's a great choice! I think that would be a great holiday that you will enjoy. 

Thank you for making an effort in answering your homework for today. You did an awesome job! I'm so proud of you. Please read all the corrections I wrote down below and analyze them. I know you can do it. See you soon.

If I can make my own holiday, I want to watch a lot of movies and I will celebrate it at one day on a vacation.
>> If I can make my own holiday, I want to watch a lot of movies and I will celebrate it on a one day vacation. 

I love to watch a lot of movie but I watched almost interesting movies that are allowed to my age.
>> I love to watch a lot of movies but I watch most interesting movies that are allowed for my age. 

So I want to watch more movies that I didn't watched and I want to find interesting genre to me.
>>So I want to watch more movies that I haven't watched and I want to find interesting genres for me. 

Actually I have a few movies that I want to watch but almost them are not allowed to my age or unopened.
>> Actually, I have a few movies that I want to watch but most of them are not allowed for my age. 

And the reason that I want to celebrate this holiday at one day of a vacation is there is a lot of time when it is vacation.
>> The reason why I want to go on a one day vacation is that there is a lot of time when we are resting. 

And because of vacation, my friends can play a lot of time so I want to celebrate this holiday on a vacation.
>> And because of that, I can play with my friends. This is why I want to celebrate this holiday on a vacation. 
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
110198 Homework📝 ¹Ú*¸® ¿Ï·á 2021-07-21 143
110197 How do you control your anger? ¹Ú*Àº ¿Ï·á 2021-07-21 2
110196 The reason why °­*¾Æ ¿Ï·á 2021-07-21 196
110195 Friday homework ¹Ú*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2021-07-21 178
110194 home work on July 21 ÃÖ*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2021-07-21 3
110193 Nice to meet you, sir! ±è*½Ä ¿Ï·á 2021-07-21 199
110192 What do you think about taking a nap? How about sleeping in? ³ë*ÀÌ ¿Ï·á 2021-07-21 3
110191 Homework ÀÓ*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2021-07-21 3
110190 Japan medical body conditionally approves womb transplants À¯*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-07-21 1
110189 If one song were to describe your life, What song would it be? ÀÌ*Áö ¿Ï·á 2021-07-21 200
110188 How can you describe your family? ¿©*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-07-21 2
110187 Task ÀÌ*ÁØ ¿Ï·á 2021-07-21 188
110186 Thursday homework ¹Ú*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2021-07-21 152
110185 Are you a spender or a saver of money? Why? ÃÖ*¿ø ¿Ï·á 2021-07-21 186
110184 Homework ¾ç*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-07-21 0
110183 family ÃÖ*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2021-07-20 182
110182 What is the worst kind of pollution in your country? ¾È*À± ¿Ï·á 2021-07-20 2
110181 Writing: How do you respond to customers\' queries about your... À¯*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2021-07-20 170
110180 Cut ¹Î*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2021-07-20 3
110179 Homepoop ±è*À± ¿Ï·á 2021-07-20 189

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04