¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

If you can make your own holiday, what would it be? When should it be celebrated and why?

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ÇÏ*À±
2021-07-26 508

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

I want to make my own holiday, Yoon's day. So, It is Sep 7th. It is a holiday that celebrate my birth! If you ask me why I want to make this holiday, because I want to take a rest or hang out with my friends on my birthday.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi Yun! ^^

Wow! That's a great choice! I think that would be a great holiday that you will enjoy. 

Thank you for making an effort in answering your homework for today. You did an awesome job! I'm so proud of you. Please read all the corrections I wrote down below and analyze them. I know you can do it. See you soon.

I want to make my own holiday, Yoon's day. 
>> CORRECT

So, It is Sep 7th.
>> So it should be on the 7th of September. 

 It is a holiday that celebrate my birth! 
>> It is a holiday that celebrates my birth!

If you ask me why I want to make this holiday, because I want to take a rest or hang out with my friends on my birthday.
>> If you ask me why I want to make this holiday it's because I want to take a rest or hang out with my friends on my birthday.

¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
111266 8.25 homework ÀÓ*À± ¿Ï·á 2021-08-25 2
111265 Kate! ±è*¿ø ¿Ï·á 2021-08-25 1
111264 Use manageable, motivated, and pound in a correct sentence. ÀÌ*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2021-08-25 332
111263 page 5 ¿À*Àº ¿Ï·á 2021-08-25 327
111262 HOMEWORK: Why is honesty important? ¹Ú*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2021-08-25 448
111261 Describe how you get when you¡¯re moody in a few sentences. ¾È*À± ¿Ï·á 2021-08-25 2
111260 Do you always believe the media? ±è*Àº ¿Ï·á 2021-08-25 2
111259 8/25: My Money~~~~ ¿À*°á ¿Ï·á 2021-08-25 309
111258 Famous place of Seoul ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2021-08-25 367
111257 Homework ±è*À± ¿Ï·á 2021-08-25 357
111256 If you had 3 wishes, what would it be and why? ÇÏ*À± ¿Ï·á 2021-08-25 334
111255 4th ±è*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2021-08-25 1
111254 Homework ±Ç*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2021-08-25 6
111253 61 ä*¼­ ¿Ï·á 2021-08-25 390
111252 My Homework °­*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2021-08-25 317
111251 homework Á¤*È£ ¿Ï·á 2021-08-25 0
111250 Writing on skype ±è*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2021-08-25 300
111249 Writing on skype ±è*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2021-08-25 459
111248 Writing on skype ±è*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2021-08-25 315
111247 Fill in the blanks ÀÌ*À± ¿Ï·á 2021-08-25 296

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04