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영작교정 게시판

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서비스 입니다.

Some people encourage young children to leave their parents house as soon as they become adults whil

작성자: 황*하
2021-07-29 208

회원님의 영작문

Koreans used to live in same villages with whole family. Elderly didn't want children to leave parents house early. They thought that family have to live together. Many parents still want to live with their children before their children get married because Koreans have a lot of concerns about living alone due to the exposure of dangerous situation. Women, especially, are exposed on the crime by the men if they are living alone. That's why parents don't usually allow children to leave home earlier than they expected. However, there are a lot of advantages living alone. Children can be independent and they can learn various skills related lives, for instance laundry and cooking. And the better job opportunities are available when people move to cities or other countries. This, therefore, helps in their career development and broadens their career prospects. Although, there are many benefits living alone, I consider that children stay their parent's house because they can save money

강사님의 첨삭교정 내용

Hi there Mr. Hwang~! ^^ It's been a long time. I miss having conversations with you. Anyway, I have a lot of life issues these days, hahaha but everything is fine. :)
>>> TEACHER GEMMA
Koreans used to live in same villages with whole family. 
>>> Koreans used to live in the same villages with their whole family. 
Elderly didn't want children to leave parents house early. 
>>> The elderly didn't want their children to leave their parents' house early. 
They thought that family have to live together.
>>> They thought that families have to live together.
 Many parents still want to live with their children before their children get married because Koreans have a lot of concerns about living alone due to the exposure of dangerous situation.
>>> CORRECT
 Women, especially, are exposed on the crime by the men if they are living alone. 
>>>  Women, especially, are exposed on crimes by men if they are living alone. 
That's why parents don't usually allow children to leave home earlier than they expected. 
>>> That's why parents don't usually allow their  children to leave home earlier than expected. 
However, there are a lot of advantages living alone. 
>>> CORRECT
Children can be independent and they can learn various skills related lives, for instance laundry and cooking. 
>>> Children can be independent and they can learn various skills related to living, for instance laundry and cooking. 
And the better job opportunities are available when people move to cities or other countries. 
>>> And better job opportunities are available when people move to cities or other countries. 
This, therefore, helps in their career development and broadens their career prospects. 
>>> CORRECT
Although, there are many benefits living alone, I consider that children stay their parent's house because they can save money
>>> Although, there are many benefits living alone, I consider that children must stay with their parent's house because they can save money.
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