¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

Do you think it\'s necessary to move out of your parents house once you have a job? Why or why not?

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ·ù*ÁÖ
2021-08-03 155

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

I don't think that I have to move out from my parents house but if I got a job, I will move to my own house.
A person has his / her own individuality and personality.
And because of that, if 2 people or more live in one house, they can cause collision because they are different person.
So if I live with my parents, I think I'll do not cause it often but the collision between me and my parents can be caused.
Because of that, I think it is better to live alone, and actually, I just want to live alone.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi John! ^^

Moving away from home is considered a milestone in one¡¯s life, an event that clearly marks the stepping out of childhood into maturity and designates the beginning of an independent, self-reliant life. Once you move out of your parents¡¯ house, you will have the liberty to make your own choices and enjoy the lifestyle you¡¯ve always wanted for yourself. However, you will also have the responsibility to provide for your own needs, to find a way out of every difficult situation you encounter, and to create a life for yourself that is vibrant, progressive, and genuinely fulfilled.

Thank you for making an effort in answering your homework for today. You did an awesome job! I'm so proud of you. Please read all the corrections I wrote down below and analyze them. I know you can do it. See you soon.

 I don't think that I have to move out from my parents house but if I got a job, I will move to my own house.
>>CORRECT

A person has his / her own individuality and personality.
>> CORRECT

And because of that, if 2 people or more live in one house, they can cause collision because they are different person.
>> If 2 people or more live in one house, they can cause collision because they have different personalities.

So if I live with my parents, I think I'll do not cause it often but the collision between me and my parents can be caused.
>>So if I live with my parents, I think I will not cause collision between me and my parents.

Because of that, I think it is better to live alone, and actually, I just want to live alone.
>>Because of that, I think it is better to live alone. Actually, I just want to live alone.

¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
110585 What do you think would happen if there was only one language in... ·ù*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2021-08-05 148
110584 What is the most challenging part of your job? What is the most... Çã*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2021-08-05 159
110583 Thursday homework ·ù*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2021-08-05 136
110582 Large companies use sports events to promote their products.... Ȳ*ÇÏ ¿Ï·á 2021-08-05 142
110581 How do you manage your anger? What do you do? ¹Ú*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2021-08-05 151
110580 6th homework Á¤*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2021-08-05 4
110579 HELLO Àü*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2021-08-05 178
110578 ¼÷Á¦ ±è*ºñ ¿Ï·á 2021-08-05 159
110577 My thinking ¹Î*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2021-08-05 2
110576 HOMEWORK ±è*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2021-08-05 173
110575 My homework Àü*¼± ¿Ï·á 2021-08-05 151
110574 More about Telling the time ±â*Çö ¿Ï·á 2021-08-05 137
110573 Homework ÀÓ*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2021-08-05 3
110572 21/08/04 homework ¹Ú*Çö ¿Ï·á 2021-08-05 149
110571 Time is Money È«*Çý ¿Ï·á 2021-08-05 7
110570 Homework 3 »ç* ¿Ï·á 2021-08-05 1
110569 Homework 2 »ç* ¿Ï·á 2021-08-05 2
110568 Homework 1 »ç* ¿Ï·á 2021-08-05 1
110567 Which greeting kind of annoys you? ¹Ú*ÇÏ ¿Ï·á 2021-08-05 150
110566 Task ÀÌ*ÁØ ¿Ï·á 2021-08-05 171

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04