¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

Do you think it\'s necessary to move out of your parents house once you have a job? Why or why not?

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ·ù*ÁÖ
2021-08-03 238

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

I don't think that I have to move out from my parents house but if I got a job, I will move to my own house.
A person has his / her own individuality and personality.
And because of that, if 2 people or more live in one house, they can cause collision because they are different person.
So if I live with my parents, I think I'll do not cause it often but the collision between me and my parents can be caused.
Because of that, I think it is better to live alone, and actually, I just want to live alone.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi John! ^^

Moving away from home is considered a milestone in one¡¯s life, an event that clearly marks the stepping out of childhood into maturity and designates the beginning of an independent, self-reliant life. Once you move out of your parents¡¯ house, you will have the liberty to make your own choices and enjoy the lifestyle you¡¯ve always wanted for yourself. However, you will also have the responsibility to provide for your own needs, to find a way out of every difficult situation you encounter, and to create a life for yourself that is vibrant, progressive, and genuinely fulfilled.

Thank you for making an effort in answering your homework for today. You did an awesome job! I'm so proud of you. Please read all the corrections I wrote down below and analyze them. I know you can do it. See you soon.

 I don't think that I have to move out from my parents house but if I got a job, I will move to my own house.
>>CORRECT

A person has his / her own individuality and personality.
>> CORRECT

And because of that, if 2 people or more live in one house, they can cause collision because they are different person.
>> If 2 people or more live in one house, they can cause collision because they have different personalities.

So if I live with my parents, I think I'll do not cause it often but the collision between me and my parents can be caused.
>>So if I live with my parents, I think I will not cause collision between me and my parents.

Because of that, I think it is better to live alone, and actually, I just want to live alone.
>>Because of that, I think it is better to live alone. Actually, I just want to live alone.

¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
109122 grammar ¼Õ*¸² ¿Ï·á 2021-06-04 278
109121 Would you rather give money to beggars or buskers? Why? ÃÖ*¿ø ¿Ï·á 2021-06-04 349
109120 Homework ±è*À± ¿Ï·á 2021-06-04 261
109119 homework Á¤*È£ ¿Ï·á 2021-06-04 0
109118 homework Á¤*È£ ¿Ï·á 2021-06-04 0
109117 Do you think it\'s good to share photos on social media? Why or... ÃÖ*¿ø ¿Ï·á 2021-06-04 318
109116 Which natural disaster do you fear most and why? ÃÖ*¿ø ¿Ï·á 2021-06-04 297
109115 Why is it important to be truthful? ³ë*ÀÌ ¿Ï·á 2021-06-04 1
109114 Friday homework ·ù*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2021-06-04 320
109113 How much does it cost to get a haircut in your country? ³ë*ÀÌ ¿Ï·á 2021-06-04 1
109112 homework Àü*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2021-06-04 370
109111 Three sentences ¼±*¸² ¿Ï·á 2021-06-04 335
109110 Homework ¹Ú*¸® ¿Ï·á 2021-06-04 278
109109 Internet safe for children? ±è*±¹ ¿Ï·á 2021-06-04 2
109108 tell me about your favorite teacher ±è*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2021-06-04 291
109107 Homework ÀÓ*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2021-06-04 2
109106 Homework 6.4 Àå*º° ¿Ï·á 2021-06-04 282
109105 Will Korea be able to see a president under age 40? À¯*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-06-04 1
109104 Homework ÀÓ*¼÷ ¿Ï·á 2021-06-04 294
109103 Who are the 3 people in your life that you can\'t live without? Çã*´Ã ¿Ï·á 2021-06-04 1

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04