¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

Do you think it\'s necessary to move out of your parents house once you have a job? Why or why not?

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ·ù*ÁÖ
2021-08-03 391

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

I don't think that I have to move out from my parents house but if I got a job, I will move to my own house.
A person has his / her own individuality and personality.
And because of that, if 2 people or more live in one house, they can cause collision because they are different person.
So if I live with my parents, I think I'll do not cause it often but the collision between me and my parents can be caused.
Because of that, I think it is better to live alone, and actually, I just want to live alone.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi John! ^^

Moving away from home is considered a milestone in one¡¯s life, an event that clearly marks the stepping out of childhood into maturity and designates the beginning of an independent, self-reliant life. Once you move out of your parents¡¯ house, you will have the liberty to make your own choices and enjoy the lifestyle you¡¯ve always wanted for yourself. However, you will also have the responsibility to provide for your own needs, to find a way out of every difficult situation you encounter, and to create a life for yourself that is vibrant, progressive, and genuinely fulfilled.

Thank you for making an effort in answering your homework for today. You did an awesome job! I'm so proud of you. Please read all the corrections I wrote down below and analyze them. I know you can do it. See you soon.

 I don't think that I have to move out from my parents house but if I got a job, I will move to my own house.
>>CORRECT

A person has his / her own individuality and personality.
>> CORRECT

And because of that, if 2 people or more live in one house, they can cause collision because they are different person.
>> If 2 people or more live in one house, they can cause collision because they have different personalities.

So if I live with my parents, I think I'll do not cause it often but the collision between me and my parents can be caused.
>>So if I live with my parents, I think I will not cause collision between me and my parents.

Because of that, I think it is better to live alone, and actually, I just want to live alone.
>>Because of that, I think it is better to live alone. Actually, I just want to live alone.

¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
109744 How do you view other culture\'s practice of multiple marriage... ¾È*À± ¿Ï·á 2021-06-30 2
109743 Homework (307) ¹Ú*ÇÏ ¿Ï·á 2021-06-30 424
109742 What do you usually do when riding a train, a subway, or a bus? ÀÌ*Çö ¿Ï·á 2021-06-30 396
109741 homework Àü*¿ø ¿Ï·á 2021-06-30 424
109740 In return ¹Î*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2021-06-30 2
109739 My plan for July ÀÌ*ÇÏ ¿Ï·á 2021-06-30 435
109738 Homework ÀÓ*¼÷ ¿Ï·á 2021-06-30 474
109737 Fill in the blanks ÀÌ*À± ¿Ï·á 2021-06-30 355
109736 Homework {06/30} Â÷*ºó ¿Ï·á 2021-06-30 389
109735 Do you think playing video games are bad for kids? Why or why... ·ù*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2021-06-30 456
109734 Homework ÇÔ*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2021-06-30 0
109733 Wednesday homework ·ù*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2021-06-30 397
109732 Mars is my favorite planet in Solar system ±è*¶û ¿Ï·á 2021-06-30 482
109731 My homework Àü*¼± ¿Ï·á 2021-06-30 376
109730 The emotion of hate À¯*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-06-30 416
109729 Homework😀 ¹Ú*¸® ¿Ï·á 2021-06-30 473
109728 Do you think there is another language that could replace... ±è*¼ö ¿Ï·á 2021-06-30 369
109727 Homework ÀÓ*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2021-06-30 2
109726 What country would be fun to work in? ³ë*ÀÌ ¿Ï·á 2021-06-30 1
109725 Korean Fashion Gains from Pop-Culture Boom À¯*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-06-30 0

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04