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영작교정 게시판

영어 말하기와 쓰기를 동시에 잡는다!

자신 있게 쓸 수 있는 영작문을 위해 파워잉글리쉬 수업을 수강하시는
회원님들께 무료로 제공해드리는 부가 서비스로, 전문 분야를 제외한 자유 주제
또는 강사님이 내주시는 과제를 회원님께서 영어로 작성해주시면,
담당 강사 님께서 ‘문법 오류 교정’ 과 ‘더 나은 영어식 표현’으로 교정해주는
서비스 입니다.

Who do you disagree more? Stella or Carter?

작성자: 김*랑
2021-08-09 291

회원님의 영작문



I am most against Stella's opinion. Stella once said, "It's a waste of time to spend playing an instrument at a time when we have to study, compete with each other and move on to higher positions." If we look at it realistically, they have also high positions in music, also a low positions, and they compete with each other. Is that live like worthless? That's not. Of course, if I suddenly play an instrument while I am absorbed in one thing, it would be a waste of time, but if I play an instrument to relieve stress or just enjoy the music itself, that is art, that is fun, and that is the crystallization of the beauty of music. If you can enjoy whatever, and if you like it, you can fully realize your potential. It is true that students should study. That is the student's duty. However, Stella or other people need to get out of the prejudice that we cannot study because of music. Everyone have the right to freedom in the context of music.

강사님의 첨삭교정 내용

Hi Maria!

Wow! Your answer is so powerful and full of conviction! I am I think that is Stella was a real kid, you could convince her by playing the cello in front of her and probably make her want to play a musical instrument too.

Well, I agree with all that you have said most specifically about it as "the crystallization of the beauty of music". Like a crystal, music is so precious as it is one of our precious entertainment in our lives. To play an instrument is even more sublime.

Thanks you Maria! See you soon. 

-T. Donna =)

I am most against Stella's opinion. 
>> Correct!

Stella once said, "It's a waste of time to spend playing an instrument at a time when we have to study, compete with each other and move on to higher positions.
>> Correct!

" If we look at it realistically, they have also high positions in music, also a low positions, and they compete with each other. Is that live like worthless?
>> Correct!

 That's not. Of course, if I suddenly play an instrument while I am absorbed in one thing, it would be a waste of time, but if I play an instrument to relieve stress or just enjoy the music itself, that is art, that is fun, and that is the crystallization of the beauty of music. 
>> Correct! Wow, great sentence!

If you can enjoy whatever, and if you like it, you can fully realize your potential. 
>> Correct!

It is true that students should study. That is the student's duty. 
>> Correct!

However, Stella or other people need to get out of the prejudice that we cannot study because of music. 
>> Correct!

Everyone have the right to freedom in the context of music.
>> Correct!
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