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영작교정 게시판

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자신 있게 쓸 수 있는 영작문을 위해 파워잉글리쉬 수업을 수강하시는
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담당 강사 님께서 ‘문법 오류 교정’ 과 ‘더 나은 영어식 표현’으로 교정해주는
서비스 입니다.

Do you think piano lessons are important for student\'s learning? Why or why not?

작성자: 류*주
2021-08-12 438

회원님의 영작문

Actually, I don't think that the piano lessens are that much important to student but there are a lot of adventages if students learn the piano.
We can join piano with our friends and in fact, we can develop our brain as well.
If we are playing piano, almost time we have to move our hands differently so we can develop our brain.
And also nerve of hands and brain is connected so playing piano can develop our brain more smarter.
So I think we don't have to learn the piano but if we do, we can get a lot of adventage.
So if there is someone who is thinking about learning the piano or not, I want to recommand learning the piano to him.

강사님의 첨삭교정 내용

Hi John! ^^

Learning to play an instrument can help your child fine-tune her ear and enhance skills needed for education and social interaction. It develops physical skills. It also cultivates social skills. It refines discipline and patience. By learning about and playing a variety of instruments, kids can discover how music plays a critical role in other cultures. It has many benefits. :) Although it should be a personal choice and not mandatory. 

Thank you for making an effort in answering your homework for today. You did an awesome job! I'm so proud of you. Please read all the corrections I wrote down below and analyze them. I know you can do it. See you soon.

Actually, I don't think that the piano lessens are that much important to student but there are a lot of adventages if students learn the piano.
>> Actually, I don't think that the piano lessons are that much important to students  but there are a lot of advantages if students learn how to play it. 

We can join piano with our friends and in fact, we can develop our brain as well.
>> We can play piano with our friends and in fact, it can help develop our brain as well. 

If we are playing piano, almost time we have to move our hands differently so we can develop our brain.
>> If we are playing the piano, we have to move our hands in different ways. With this, it can help use develop our brain. 

And also nerve of hands and brain is connected so playing piano can develop our brain more smarter.
>> And also, the nerves of our hands and brain is connected. With this, it can make us smarter. 

So I think we don't have to learn the piano but if we do, we can get a lot of adventage.
>> So I think we don't have to learn how to play it  but if we do, we can get a lot of advantage.

So if there is someone who is thinking about learning the piano or not, I want to recommand learning the piano to him.
>> So if there is someone who is thinking about learning the piano or not, I want to recommend it to them. 

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