¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

My Homework

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: °­*¿ì
2021-08-12 328

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

I think it is important for students.
Because we have a limit on study in only school. So I think we need to have some extra studies.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi Kane! ^^

I think this is beneficial for students in terms of preparing for the universities that they are gonna go to in the future. But this can also lessen the time to enjoy you childhood since you would be studying most of the time. It has both advantages and disadvantages. 

Thank you for making an effort in answering your homework for today. You did an awesome job! I'm so proud of you. Please read all the corrections I wrote down below and analyze them. I know you can do it. See you soon.

I think it is important for students.
>> I think it is important for students because our studying time is limited in our school. 

Because we have a limit on study in only school. 
>> CONNECT WITH THE SENTENCE ABOVE. 

So I think we need to have some extra studies.
>>So, I think we need to have some extra time to study. 
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
109515 ESSAY: Describe in detail your task as a videographer. ¹Ú*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2021-06-21 3
109514 Buying a Seoul Home Would Take 62 Years from Scratch À¯*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-06-21 1
109513 My mother À¯*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-06-21 404
109512 A person¡¯s worth nowadays seems to be judged according to... Ȳ*ÇÏ ¿Ï·á 2021-06-21 466
109511 lesson ±Ç*½Ã ¿Ï·á 2021-06-21 369
109510 6/18 homework ³ª*Çö ¿Ï·á 2021-06-20 467
109509 [6/17]Homework ¹Ú*¹ü ¿Ï·á 2021-06-20 1
109508 If you had 100 million dollars, how will you spend it in 3 days? ±è*±¹ ¿Ï·á 2021-06-20 2
109507 Yes? Maybe...? ±è*¶û ¿Ï·á 2021-06-20 498
109506 [6/14]Homework ¹Ú*¹ü ¿Ï·á 2021-06-20 2
109505 Homework ±è*È¿ ¿Ï·á 2021-06-20 412
109504 Homework ±è*È¿ ¿Ï·á 2021-06-20 467
109503 Homework ±è*È¿ ¿Ï·á 2021-06-20 516
109502 There are some hobbies that are quite questionable or illegal,... À¯*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2021-06-20 461
109501 How many seasons are there in your country? ±Ç*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2021-06-20 446
109500 HOMEWORK ±è*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2021-06-20 323
109499 Are you cooking shows popular in your country? Do you watch any... ¹Ú*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2021-06-19 2
109498 what is the best thing about camping? how about the worst thing? ¹Ú*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2021-06-19 2
109497 Do you think the use of cars will increase or decrease in the... ¹Ú*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2021-06-19 1
109496 How can you become happy again when you are sad? ¹Ú*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2021-06-19 2

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04