¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

What do yo think should be changed in your city and why?

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ·ù*ÁÖ
2021-08-16 775

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

Usually in a city, there are a lot of bullyings in a school, so I think the culture of bullying must be changed in my city and my country.
In Korea, there are a lot of bullyings and they are more common than the other country.
So I can watch or hear a lot of newses of bullyings in a school.
And I think this culture have to be changed in my country by ourselve for a lot of students and a lot of schools.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi John! ^^

Korean society has undergone a major transformation since 1960 and is still changing. There has been a lot of improvements in terms of technology but still, it has taken a toll on the environment. Population as well has been changing drastically. That's why the government should do something about it. :) Your suggestion is great and I think a lot will benefit from it. 

Thank you for making an effort in answering your homework for today. You did an awesome job! I'm so proud of you. Please read all the corrections I wrote down below and analyze them. I know you can do it. See you soon.

Usually in a city, there are a lot of bullyings in a school, so I think the culture of bullying must be changed in my city and my country.
>>Usually in a city, there are a lot of cases of bullying in schools, so I think the culture of bullying must be changed in my city and my country.

In Korea, there are a lot of bullyings and they are more common than the other country.
>> In Korea, there are a lot of bullies in our country than other countries.
or
>>This is very common in Korea. 

So I can watch or hear a lot of newses of bullyings in a school.
>> So I can watch or hear a lot of news about bullying in schools. 

And I think this culture have to be changed in my country by ourselve for a lot of students and a lot of schools.
>> 
And I think this culture should be changed in my country by us for the sake of students on schools. 
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
112470 What kind of person would be the perfect neighbor? ÁÖ*¼® ¿Ï·á 2021-10-04 2
112469 Self introduction2 ¹Ú*°æ ¿Ï·á 2021-10-04 1
112468 Riding a bike À±*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-10-03 3
112467 What are your short-term and long-term goals? ¼­*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2021-10-03 1
112466 Gaecheonjeol (National Foundation day) ±è*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2021-10-03 670
112465 Homework ±Ç*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2021-10-03 443
112464 Homework ±Ç*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2021-10-03 4
112463 HOMEWORK ±è*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2021-10-03 459
112462 Personality ÃÖ*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2021-10-03 469
112461 Homework 10.3 Àå*º° ¿Ï·á 2021-10-03 754
112460 If you can be reincarnated, what kind of life would you want on... ¿©*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-10-03 1
112459 What do you think is the most dangerous sport? ³ë*ÀÌ ¿Ï·á 2021-10-03 1
112458 Among those countries you\'ve visited, which is your favorite... ·ù*¼± ¿Ï·á 2021-10-03 473
112457 How different is North Korea from South Korea nowadays? Explain... ¿©*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-10-03 1
112456 What makes a person insecure? ±è*±¹ ¿Ï·á 2021-10-03 2
112455 33 ä*¼­ ¿Ï·á 2021-10-03 562
112454 10.01 homework ÀÓ*À± ¿Ï·á 2021-10-02 1
112453 Me ¹Î*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2021-10-02 0
112452 ¿µÀÛ ¼÷Á¦ ÀÌ*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2021-10-02 0
112451 ¿µÀÛ ¼÷Á¦ ÀÌ*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2021-10-02 0

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04