¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

What do yo think should be changed in your city and why?

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ·ù*ÁÖ
2021-08-16 685

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

Usually in a city, there are a lot of bullyings in a school, so I think the culture of bullying must be changed in my city and my country.
In Korea, there are a lot of bullyings and they are more common than the other country.
So I can watch or hear a lot of newses of bullyings in a school.
And I think this culture have to be changed in my country by ourselve for a lot of students and a lot of schools.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi John! ^^

Korean society has undergone a major transformation since 1960 and is still changing. There has been a lot of improvements in terms of technology but still, it has taken a toll on the environment. Population as well has been changing drastically. That's why the government should do something about it. :) Your suggestion is great and I think a lot will benefit from it. 

Thank you for making an effort in answering your homework for today. You did an awesome job! I'm so proud of you. Please read all the corrections I wrote down below and analyze them. I know you can do it. See you soon.

Usually in a city, there are a lot of bullyings in a school, so I think the culture of bullying must be changed in my city and my country.
>>Usually in a city, there are a lot of cases of bullying in schools, so I think the culture of bullying must be changed in my city and my country.

In Korea, there are a lot of bullyings and they are more common than the other country.
>> In Korea, there are a lot of bullies in our country than other countries.
or
>>This is very common in Korea. 

So I can watch or hear a lot of newses of bullyings in a school.
>> So I can watch or hear a lot of news about bullying in schools. 

And I think this culture have to be changed in my country by ourselve for a lot of students and a lot of schools.
>> 
And I think this culture should be changed in my country by us for the sake of students on schools. 
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
111932 What is your expected salary? ¹®*Çö ¿Ï·á 2021-09-13 583
111931 9.13 homework ÀÓ*À± ¿Ï·á 2021-09-13 1
111930 What other companies are you interviewing with? ¹®*Çö ¿Ï·á 2021-09-13 437
111929 How do you handle unexpected events? ¹®*Çö ¿Ï·á 2021-09-13 441
111928 i\'m tired.................. ¿À*°á ¿Ï·á 2021-09-13 464
111927 What skills do you think are most critical to this job? ¹®*Çö ¿Ï·á 2021-09-13 407
111926 What is your unforgettable Chuseok? Answer in a few sentences. ±è*¹¬ ¿Ï·á 2021-09-13 572
111925 Good show for kids ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2021-09-13 425
111924 Homework ±è*À± ¿Ï·á 2021-09-13 494
111923 If you can add a room to your house, what room would it be and... ÇÏ*À± ¿Ï·á 2021-09-13 518
111922 Homework ±è*È¿ ¿Ï·á 2021-09-13 378
111921 What kind of food reminds you of your childhood and why? ¿©*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-09-13 1
111920 Homework ±è*È¿ ¿Ï·á 2021-09-13 470
111919 Homework ±è*È¿ ¿Ï·á 2021-09-13 388
111918 About austraillia À±*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-09-13 1
111917 If you can add a room to your house, what room would it be and... ¿©*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-09-13 2
111916 Homework ±è*È¿ ¿Ï·á 2021-09-13 495
111915 Claire\'s homework ¹Ú*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2021-09-13 592
111914 57 ä*¼­ ¿Ï·á 2021-09-13 573
111913 My Homework °­*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2021-09-13 413

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04