¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

What do yo think should be changed in your city and why?

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ·ù*ÁÖ
2021-08-16 610

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

Usually in a city, there are a lot of bullyings in a school, so I think the culture of bullying must be changed in my city and my country.
In Korea, there are a lot of bullyings and they are more common than the other country.
So I can watch or hear a lot of newses of bullyings in a school.
And I think this culture have to be changed in my country by ourselve for a lot of students and a lot of schools.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi John! ^^

Korean society has undergone a major transformation since 1960 and is still changing. There has been a lot of improvements in terms of technology but still, it has taken a toll on the environment. Population as well has been changing drastically. That's why the government should do something about it. :) Your suggestion is great and I think a lot will benefit from it. 

Thank you for making an effort in answering your homework for today. You did an awesome job! I'm so proud of you. Please read all the corrections I wrote down below and analyze them. I know you can do it. See you soon.

Usually in a city, there are a lot of bullyings in a school, so I think the culture of bullying must be changed in my city and my country.
>>Usually in a city, there are a lot of cases of bullying in schools, so I think the culture of bullying must be changed in my city and my country.

In Korea, there are a lot of bullyings and they are more common than the other country.
>> In Korea, there are a lot of bullies in our country than other countries.
or
>>This is very common in Korea. 

So I can watch or hear a lot of newses of bullyings in a school.
>> So I can watch or hear a lot of news about bullying in schools. 

And I think this culture have to be changed in my country by ourselve for a lot of students and a lot of schools.
>> 
And I think this culture should be changed in my country by us for the sake of students on schools. 
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
110414 Homework ¹Ú*ÁØ ¿Ï·á 2021-07-30 1
110413 Homework ÀÓ*¿ø ¿Ï·á 2021-07-30 325
110412 My homework Àü*¼± ¿Ï·á 2021-07-30 0
110411 Homework ÀÓ*¿ø ¿Ï·á 2021-07-30 501
110410 Which one do you think is better, working in Korea or working in... ÃÖ*¿ø ¿Ï·á 2021-07-30 1
110409 English Speaking Test ÀÌ*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2021-07-30 304
110408 Task ÀÌ*ÁØ ¿Ï·á 2021-07-30 514
110407 North and South Korea restore hotline after a year À¯*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-07-30 1
110406 Who is your role model? ÇÏ*Á¶ ¿Ï·á 2021-07-30 537
110405 How can you become happy again when you are sad? ¹Ú*Àº ¿Ï·á 2021-07-30 428
110404 What special dream do you remember? ¾È*À± ¿Ï·á 2021-07-29 1
110403 Page 57 ¿À*Àº ¿Ï·á 2021-07-29 266
110402 The greatest woman? ÀÌ*ÇÏ ¿Ï·á 2021-07-29 421
110401 What is are differences between education in Korea and education... ÇÏ*À± ¿Ï·á 2021-07-29 388
110400 HOMEWORK FOR TODAY: Writing: What applications do you use to... À¯*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2021-07-29 349
110399 Which one do you think is better, working in Korea or working in... ÃÖ*¿Á ¿Ï·á 2021-07-29 0
110398 What is are differences between education in Korea and education... ÃÖ*¿Á ¿Ï·á 2021-07-29 0
110397 I worked very hard!!!^^;; ±è*¶û ¿Ï·á 2021-07-29 347
110396 Fill in the blanks ÀÌ*À± ¿Ï·á 2021-07-29 445
110395 What is are differences between education in Korea and education... ·ù*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2021-07-29 415

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04