¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

What do yo think should be changed in your city and why?

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ·ù*ÁÖ
2021-08-16 764

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

Usually in a city, there are a lot of bullyings in a school, so I think the culture of bullying must be changed in my city and my country.
In Korea, there are a lot of bullyings and they are more common than the other country.
So I can watch or hear a lot of newses of bullyings in a school.
And I think this culture have to be changed in my country by ourselve for a lot of students and a lot of schools.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi John! ^^

Korean society has undergone a major transformation since 1960 and is still changing. There has been a lot of improvements in terms of technology but still, it has taken a toll on the environment. Population as well has been changing drastically. That's why the government should do something about it. :) Your suggestion is great and I think a lot will benefit from it. 

Thank you for making an effort in answering your homework for today. You did an awesome job! I'm so proud of you. Please read all the corrections I wrote down below and analyze them. I know you can do it. See you soon.

Usually in a city, there are a lot of bullyings in a school, so I think the culture of bullying must be changed in my city and my country.
>>Usually in a city, there are a lot of cases of bullying in schools, so I think the culture of bullying must be changed in my city and my country.

In Korea, there are a lot of bullyings and they are more common than the other country.
>> In Korea, there are a lot of bullies in our country than other countries.
or
>>This is very common in Korea. 

So I can watch or hear a lot of newses of bullyings in a school.
>> So I can watch or hear a lot of news about bullying in schools. 

And I think this culture have to be changed in my country by ourselve for a lot of students and a lot of schools.
>> 
And I think this culture should be changed in my country by us for the sake of students on schools. 
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
109584 If you are very busy at work or at school, do you have ways to... ÃÖ*¿ø ¿Ï·á 2021-06-23 933
109583 What was the most memorable vacation that you had with your... ÃÖ*¿ø ¿Ï·á 2021-06-23 458
109582 Email ±è*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2021-06-23 409
109581 Email ±è*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2021-06-23 497
109580 Email ±è*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2021-06-23 379
109579 Fill in the blanks ÀÌ*À± ¿Ï·á 2021-06-23 566
109578 Do you enjoy meeting new people? Why or why not? ³ë*ÀÌ ¿Ï·á 2021-06-23 2
109577 What is your cards? ±è*¶û ¿Ï·á 2021-06-23 481
109576 Do many people in your country study abroad? Why do you think... ³ë*ÀÌ ¿Ï·á 2021-06-23 1
109575 If you are very busy at work or at school, do you have ways to... ·ù*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2021-06-23 380
109574 Wednesday homework ·ù*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2021-06-23 500
109573 Are these sentences grammatically correct? °­*¾Æ ¿Ï·á 2021-06-23 1
109572 What do you want to include in your ideal fitness program? ÀÌ*Çö ¿Ï·á 2021-06-23 403
109571 Homework ÇÔ*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2021-06-23 0
109570 Today\'s diary ±è*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2021-06-23 1
109569 Is your country a safe country? What do you think the most... ±è*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2021-06-23 456
109568 What is your political forecast next year on your election? ¹Ú*°æ ¿Ï·á 2021-06-23 668
109567 Homework ÀÓ*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2021-06-23 3
109566 Eased social distancing rules to take effect from July À¯*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-06-23 1
109565 homework À±*Àº ¿Ï·á 2021-06-23 526

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04