무료 레벨테스트 받고 강사평가 남기면 1,OOO원 쿠폰 즉시 적립!

혹시 사이트에선 찾지 못한 궁금한 점이 있으세요?
남겨주신 이메일을 통해 답변 드리겠습니다.

문의하신 내용이 문자로 발송되오니
연락처를 남겨주세요.
업무시간 월~금 오전9시~오후6시
(점심시간 낮12시~오후1시)

영작교정 게시판

영어 말하기와 쓰기를 동시에 잡는다!

자신 있게 쓸 수 있는 영작문을 위해 파워잉글리쉬 수업을 수강하시는
회원님들께 무료로 제공해드리는 부가 서비스로, 전문 분야를 제외한 자유 주제
또는 강사님이 내주시는 과제를 회원님께서 영어로 작성해주시면,
담당 강사 님께서 ‘문법 오류 교정’ 과 ‘더 나은 영어식 표현’으로 교정해주는
서비스 입니다.

ielts task 1 bar graph

작성자: 이*구
2021-08-18 184

회원님의 영작문



the chart shows the percentage of internet users by age group in canada who shopped online in 2014 and 2018.

The amount of online shopping rises in every age group as four years passed, especially in the 35~45 group. They are the only group to reach over 35% in the chart.
In 2014, group 26~35 was the highest of all, but lost their first place to group 35~45.
In contrast, group over 65 was the lowest in both year, not reaching over 15%

Moreover, all age group increases their online shopping range for four years. In age group 35~45, almost 10% has added and reah the highest point of all the groups in 2018. In other hand, 26~35 group was slow, not more than 3%. While in group over 65, they reah lowest two times but the rate increases almost double from 7% to 12%.

강사님의 첨삭교정 내용

Hello there Ian!

It is so great to finally see you here on the composition page! Your IELTS writing answer is very systematic. Even if I cannot see the chart clearly, I think that you have been able to highlight the most important details and discuss them fully below. Remember that you may not necessarily place all of the data or numbers in your discussion. All you need to emphasize is the salient parts or the most obvious discrepancies found in this chart.

Congratulations for this output! I hope to read more of your answers soon. See you in class!

-T. Donna =)

the chart shows the percentage of internet users by age group in canada who shopped online in 2014 and 2018.
>> The chart shows the percentage of Internet users by age group in Canada who shopped online in 2014 and 2018.

The amount of online shopping rises in every age group as four years passed, especially in the 35~45 group. 
>> The amount of online shopping rose in every age group as four years passed especially in the 35~45 age group. 

They are the only group to reach over 35% in the chart.
>> Correct!

In 2014, group 26~35 was the highest of all, but lost their first place to group 35~45.
>> In 2014, the age group 26~35 was the highest of all, but was overtaken by the 35~45 age group in 2018.

In contrast, group over 65 was the lowest in both year, not reaching over 15%
>> In contrast, the group over 65 was the lowest in both years, not reaching over 15%.

Moreover, all age group increases their online shopping range for four years. 
>> Moreover, all age groups increased their online shopping range for four years. 

In age group 35~45, almost 10% has added and reah the highest point of all the groups in 2018. 
>> In the age group of 35~45, almost 10% has added and reached the highest point of all the groups in 2018. 

In other hand, 26~35 group was slow, not more than 3%. 
>> On the other hand, the 26~35 age group was low with not more than 3%. 

While in group over 65, they reah lowest two times but the rate increases almost double from 7% to 12%.
>> While in the group of over 65, they reached the lowest two times but the rate increased almost double from 7% to 12%.
번호 제목 글쓴이 공개 상태 등록일 조회수
110928 I enjoyed to learn an english 정*아 완료 2021-08-17 219
110927 My favorite place is... 권*미 완료 2021-08-17 7
110926 Do you agree with the idea of less consideration about the... 안*윤 완료 2021-08-16 2
110925 If it was your birthday, what gift do you want to receive and... 주*경 완료 2021-08-16 195
110924 What is the most useful thing that you own and why? 주*경 완료 2021-08-16 180
110923 What kind of device should be invented in order for our lives to... 주*경 완료 2021-08-16 169
110922 Do you think going to different academies is important for... 박*주 완료 2021-08-16 156
110921 Writing task: Are there any values that your parents tried to... 조*애 완료 2021-08-16 2
110920 Homework 강*림 완료 2021-08-16 0
110919 Fila and Nike is so Pretty!!! 김*랑 완료 2021-08-16 145
110918 Homework 강*아 완료 2021-08-16 197
110917 What is your idea of a perfect vacation? Kindly explain it. 여*진 완료 2021-08-16 0
110916 Homework 강*선 완료 2021-08-16 157
110915 Fill in the blanks 이*윤 완료 2021-08-16 137
110914 What do yo think should be changed in your city and why? 여*진 완료 2021-08-16 0
110913 What do yo think should be changed in your city and why? 류*주 완료 2021-08-16 338
110912 Monday homework 류*우 완료 2021-08-16 198
110911 What is a good way to encourage those who don\'t like to be... 정*우 완료 2021-08-16 316
110910 Greeting. 민*정 완료 2021-08-16 1
110909 The most difficult class I have taken so far 백*진 완료 2021-08-16 150

HOW TO USE IT?

[마이페이지 > 수업 내용 보기 > 학습 캘린더 > 영작교정 버튼 클릭]

수업 횟수만큼 영작교정 게시판이 생성되며,
지난 날짜에도 게시 할 수 있습니다.

주5회 수업 : 월 20회 이용 가능
주3회 수업 : 월 12회 이용 가능
주2회 수업 : 월 08회 이용 가능
01
교정 내용은 최대 1,000byte까지 올릴 수 있습니다.

첨부 파일은 원활한 첨삭을 위한 참고자료로 사용될 뿐,
파일에 대한 첨삭은 불가능 합니다.

업로드 가능한 첨부 파일은 최대 2mb까지이며,
첨부 할 수 있는 파일 형식은 다음과 같습니다.

문서 - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
이미지 - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
전문 분야를 제외한 회원님이 직접 작성한 글만
첨삭이 가능하며,

올려주신 글의 강사님 첨삭은 24시간 이내에
완료 되는 것을 원칙으로 하고 있습니다.
03
하루 게시 가능한 글은 3회까지 이며,
종료된 수업의 영작교정 게시판은
이용이 어려운 점 양해 부탁 드립니다.
04

와이즈에듀케이션아이(주) 사이트명: 파워잉글리쉬 대표이사 전상현
사업자등록번호: 217-81-44736 통신판매신고번호: 2014-서울도봉-0233호
서울본사: 서울시 노원구 한글비석로 245 두타빌 B동 7층 713호
대표번호 1688-8672 개인정보관리 책임자: 안희영 [powerenglish@pweng.net]