무료 레벨테스트 받고 강사평가 남기면 1,OOO원 쿠폰 즉시 적립!

혹시 사이트에선 찾지 못한 궁금한 점이 있으세요?
남겨주신 이메일을 통해 답변 드리겠습니다.

문의하신 내용이 문자로 발송되오니
연락처를 남겨주세요.
업무시간 월~금 오전9시~오후6시
(점심시간 낮12시~오후1시)

영작교정 게시판

영어 말하기와 쓰기를 동시에 잡는다!

자신 있게 쓸 수 있는 영작문을 위해 파워잉글리쉬 수업을 수강하시는
회원님들께 무료로 제공해드리는 부가 서비스로, 전문 분야를 제외한 자유 주제
또는 강사님이 내주시는 과제를 회원님께서 영어로 작성해주시면,
담당 강사 님께서 ‘문법 오류 교정’ 과 ‘더 나은 영어식 표현’으로 교정해주는
서비스 입니다.

ielts task 1 bar graph

작성자: 이*구
2021-08-18 374

회원님의 영작문



the chart shows the percentage of internet users by age group in canada who shopped online in 2014 and 2018.

The amount of online shopping rises in every age group as four years passed, especially in the 35~45 group. They are the only group to reach over 35% in the chart.
In 2014, group 26~35 was the highest of all, but lost their first place to group 35~45.
In contrast, group over 65 was the lowest in both year, not reaching over 15%

Moreover, all age group increases their online shopping range for four years. In age group 35~45, almost 10% has added and reah the highest point of all the groups in 2018. In other hand, 26~35 group was slow, not more than 3%. While in group over 65, they reah lowest two times but the rate increases almost double from 7% to 12%.

강사님의 첨삭교정 내용

Hello there Ian!

It is so great to finally see you here on the composition page! Your IELTS writing answer is very systematic. Even if I cannot see the chart clearly, I think that you have been able to highlight the most important details and discuss them fully below. Remember that you may not necessarily place all of the data or numbers in your discussion. All you need to emphasize is the salient parts or the most obvious discrepancies found in this chart.

Congratulations for this output! I hope to read more of your answers soon. See you in class!

-T. Donna =)

the chart shows the percentage of internet users by age group in canada who shopped online in 2014 and 2018.
>> The chart shows the percentage of Internet users by age group in Canada who shopped online in 2014 and 2018.

The amount of online shopping rises in every age group as four years passed, especially in the 35~45 group. 
>> The amount of online shopping rose in every age group as four years passed especially in the 35~45 age group. 

They are the only group to reach over 35% in the chart.
>> Correct!

In 2014, group 26~35 was the highest of all, but lost their first place to group 35~45.
>> In 2014, the age group 26~35 was the highest of all, but was overtaken by the 35~45 age group in 2018.

In contrast, group over 65 was the lowest in both year, not reaching over 15%
>> In contrast, the group over 65 was the lowest in both years, not reaching over 15%.

Moreover, all age group increases their online shopping range for four years. 
>> Moreover, all age groups increased their online shopping range for four years. 

In age group 35~45, almost 10% has added and reah the highest point of all the groups in 2018. 
>> In the age group of 35~45, almost 10% has added and reached the highest point of all the groups in 2018. 

In other hand, 26~35 group was slow, not more than 3%. 
>> On the other hand, the 26~35 age group was low with not more than 3%. 

While in group over 65, they reah lowest two times but the rate increases almost double from 7% to 12%.
>> While in the group of over 65, they reached the lowest two times but the rate increased almost double from 7% to 12%.
번호 제목 글쓴이 공개 상태 등록일 조회수
111883 Discrimination 최*정 완료 2021-09-12 406
111882 Homework 권*미 완료 2021-09-12 1
111881 Homework(*^-^*) 정*희 완료 2021-09-12 395
111880 premodern society 권*희 완료 2021-09-12 435
111879 What makes someone beautiful in your country? 노*이 완료 2021-09-12 1
111878 Foreign friends 민*정 완료 2021-09-12 1
111877 If you can add a room to your house, what room would it be and... 오*은 완료 2021-09-12 394
111876 How can we be heroes today? Think of some practical ways that we... 김*환 완료 2021-09-12 543
111875 I like to go back to when I was 6 years old! 김*랑 완료 2021-09-11 379
111874 Hunted, Haunted 0.0! 김*랑 완료 2021-09-11 566
111873 Homework 2021.9.1 박*연 완료 2021-09-11 673
111872 Who is your favorite athlete? 양*빈 완료 2021-09-11 439
111871 Is anger ever a good thing? If so, when? Why?... 류*선 완료 2021-09-11 425
111870 숙제 김*비 완료 2021-09-11 472
111869 please open the pile and revise the passage in the pile~ 신*진 완료 2021-09-11 484
111868 9.10 homework 임*윤 완료 2021-09-10 0
111867 My opinion about eating healthy 김*수 완료 2021-09-10 358
111866 . 고*희 완료 2021-09-10 5
111865 What were your favorite foods growing up? 김*수 완료 2021-09-10 371
111864 Hi kate! 김*원 완료 2021-09-10 2

HOW TO USE IT?

[마이페이지 > 수업 내용 보기 > 학습 캘린더 > 영작교정 버튼 클릭]

수업 횟수만큼 영작교정 게시판이 생성되며,
지난 날짜에도 게시 할 수 있습니다.

주5회 수업 : 월 20회 이용 가능
주3회 수업 : 월 12회 이용 가능
주2회 수업 : 월 08회 이용 가능
01
교정 내용은 최대 1,000byte까지 올릴 수 있습니다.

첨부 파일은 원활한 첨삭을 위한 참고자료로 사용될 뿐,
파일에 대한 첨삭은 불가능 합니다.

업로드 가능한 첨부 파일은 최대 2mb까지이며,
첨부 할 수 있는 파일 형식은 다음과 같습니다.

문서 - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
이미지 - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
전문 분야를 제외한 회원님이 직접 작성한 글만
첨삭이 가능하며,

올려주신 글의 강사님 첨삭은 24시간 이내에
완료 되는 것을 원칙으로 하고 있습니다.
03
하루 게시 가능한 글은 3회까지 이며,
종료된 수업의 영작교정 게시판은
이용이 어려운 점 양해 부탁 드립니다.
04

와이즈에듀케이션아이(주) 사이트명: 파워잉글리쉬 대표이사 전상현
사업자등록번호: 217-81-44736 통신판매신고번호: 2014-서울도봉-0233호
서울본사: 서울시 노원구 한글비석로 245 두타빌 B동 7층 713호
대표번호 1688-8672 개인정보관리 책임자: 안희영 [powerenglish@pweng.net]