¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

What medical law do you want to be made? Share your answer in a paragraph.

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: Á¤*¿ì
2021-08-22 323

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®



I attached the file. Please check the file.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hello Vicky!


I knew about cheap medical check ups from my other English students and they seem happy about it. It is a different case when a doctor like you explains the compensation of a particular procedure. This is important to be addressed because sooner or later, there might be less doctors taking up the profession because they are not properly compensated.


It is fair and very good to know about this sentiment. 


Anyway, your essay is in full length, very well organized, and emphatic. If I were a legislator, I may reconsider your condition and somehow jack up the medical procedure accordingly.


Thank you and never get tired writing a composition in English.


-T. Donna =)


Korea have a serious shortage of doctors majored in trauma, thoracic and cardiovascular surgery. In Korea, medical charges price too cheap. 

>> Korea has a serious shortage of doctors who majored in trauma, thoracic, and cardiovascular surgery. In Korea, medical charges price is too cheap. 


Patients pay only little amount of the costs for the treatment, especially which can save one's life. For example, the surgery to reform the skull of a newborn who has a deformity, costs only about 1500$, of which the actual cost to prepare is well over 1500$. 

>> Correct!


Moreover, every emergency operation cost only 100$ regardless of the severity of the patients and the level of difficulty of the surgery. Only non-reimbersement related procedures make profits for hospital. In the perspective of hospital's business management, most of necessary medical procedures are regarded as items which make a loss. 

>> Correct!

OR: Only non-reimbursement related procedures make profits for the hospital.


The profitability is directly related to the salaries of each doctor, which makes the doctors, who deals with emergency situation and the diseases threatening someone's life, earn less money. 

>> The profitability is directly related to the salaries of each doctor, which makes the doctors who deal with emergency situations and the diseases threatening someone's life earn less money. 


This situation makes most of medical students and interns to try to major in some specialties which helps to make money and take little burden of risk.  I believe that the situation that doctors are unequally distributed to each major is related to the unreasonable pricing of medical procedures. 

>> This situation makes most of medical students and interns try to major in some specialties which help make money and take little burdens of risks.  I believe that the situation that doctors are unequally distributed to each major is related to the unreasonable pricing of medical procedures. 


Thus, I want the medical law which makes every medical procedure priced fairly to be made.

>> Correct!

¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
111243 If you had 3 wishes, what would it be and why? ·ù*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2021-08-25 470
111242 Wednesday Homework ·ù*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2021-08-25 442
111241 How do you make your patients feel secured under your care as a... Á¤*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2021-08-25 382
111240 homework À±*ÀÓ ¿Ï·á 2021-08-25 343
111239 Homework Àå*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2021-08-25 342
111238 I am a worried and maximum list person Á¤*¾Æ ¿Ï·á 2021-08-25 359
111237 My birthday ¹Î*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2021-08-25 1
111236 Homework °­*¼± ¿Ï·á 2021-08-25 342
111235 Hi ±è*¶ó ¿Ï·á 2021-08-25 1
111234 When is it a perfect time to daydream? ÀÌ*¶÷ ¿Ï·á 2021-08-25 4
111233 Homework ±è*Çõ ¿Ï·á 2021-08-25 331
111232 Tell me about the best part of your day? Çã*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-08-25 1
111231 ielts task 2 ÀÌ*±¸ ¿Ï·á 2021-08-25 295
111230 Things for School ±â*Çö ¿Ï·á 2021-08-25 302
111229 Homework Àå*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2021-08-25 285
111228 homework ÀÌ*ÈÆ ¿Ï·á 2021-08-25 1
111227 homework ÀÌ*ÈÆ ¿Ï·á 2021-08-25 1
111226 homework ÀÌ*ÈÆ ¿Ï·á 2021-08-25 1
111225 what I will good at it ±è*¼º ¿Ï·á 2021-08-25 361
111224 Homework ÀÓ*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2021-08-25 2

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04