¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

What medical law do you want to be made? Share your answer in a paragraph.

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: Á¤*¿ì
2021-08-22 296

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®



I attached the file. Please check the file.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hello Vicky!


I knew about cheap medical check ups from my other English students and they seem happy about it. It is a different case when a doctor like you explains the compensation of a particular procedure. This is important to be addressed because sooner or later, there might be less doctors taking up the profession because they are not properly compensated.


It is fair and very good to know about this sentiment. 


Anyway, your essay is in full length, very well organized, and emphatic. If I were a legislator, I may reconsider your condition and somehow jack up the medical procedure accordingly.


Thank you and never get tired writing a composition in English.


-T. Donna =)


Korea have a serious shortage of doctors majored in trauma, thoracic and cardiovascular surgery. In Korea, medical charges price too cheap. 

>> Korea has a serious shortage of doctors who majored in trauma, thoracic, and cardiovascular surgery. In Korea, medical charges price is too cheap. 


Patients pay only little amount of the costs for the treatment, especially which can save one's life. For example, the surgery to reform the skull of a newborn who has a deformity, costs only about 1500$, of which the actual cost to prepare is well over 1500$. 

>> Correct!


Moreover, every emergency operation cost only 100$ regardless of the severity of the patients and the level of difficulty of the surgery. Only non-reimbersement related procedures make profits for hospital. In the perspective of hospital's business management, most of necessary medical procedures are regarded as items which make a loss. 

>> Correct!

OR: Only non-reimbursement related procedures make profits for the hospital.


The profitability is directly related to the salaries of each doctor, which makes the doctors, who deals with emergency situation and the diseases threatening someone's life, earn less money. 

>> The profitability is directly related to the salaries of each doctor, which makes the doctors who deal with emergency situations and the diseases threatening someone's life earn less money. 


This situation makes most of medical students and interns to try to major in some specialties which helps to make money and take little burden of risk.  I believe that the situation that doctors are unequally distributed to each major is related to the unreasonable pricing of medical procedures. 

>> This situation makes most of medical students and interns try to major in some specialties which help make money and take little burdens of risks.  I believe that the situation that doctors are unequally distributed to each major is related to the unreasonable pricing of medical procedures. 


Thus, I want the medical law which makes every medical procedure priced fairly to be made.

>> Correct!

¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
110060 Why should we avoid junk food? ±è*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2021-07-15 314
110059 Be ÃÖ*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2021-07-15 8
110058 Homework ¾ç*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-07-15 0
110057 HOMEWORK/YUN/2021/0714 Á¤*À± ¿Ï·á 2021-07-15 393
110056 HOMEWORK ±Ç*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2021-07-15 390
110055 home work on July 14 ÃÖ*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2021-07-15 1
110054 Which do you like better, a home with a nice garden or a home... À±*Çö ¿Ï·á 2021-07-15 287
110053 What are three things that motivate you? À±*Çö ¿Ï·á 2021-07-15 822
110052 Do you want more CCTVs to monitor children in school while you... ¾È*À± ¿Ï·á 2021-07-14 2
110051 Page 23 ¿À*Àº ¿Ï·á 2021-07-14 462
110050 COVID-19 cases keeps on increasing in Korea. ÃÖ*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2021-07-14 309
110049 Do you follow all of your country¡¯s traditional customs? Why or... ¹Ú*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2021-07-14 287
110048 Homework ÇÔ*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2021-07-14 1
110047 what do I do in the perfect weather? ÀÌ*ÇÏ ¿Ï·á 2021-07-14 344
110046 Hello!! ±è*¿ø ¿Ï·á 2021-07-14 4
110045 homework Á¤*È£ ¿Ï·á 2021-07-14 0
110044 Homework °­*¼± ¿Ï·á 2021-07-14 322
110043 It\'s so difficult to solve all of this...^^;; ±è*¶û ¿Ï·á 2021-07-14 256
110042 Email ±è*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2021-07-14 322
110041 Email ±è*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2021-07-14 306

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04