무료 레벨테스트 받고 강사평가 남기면 1,OOO원 쿠폰 즉시 적립!

혹시 사이트에선 찾지 못한 궁금한 점이 있으세요?
남겨주신 이메일을 통해 답변 드리겠습니다.

문의하신 내용이 문자로 발송되오니
연락처를 남겨주세요.
업무시간 월~금 오전9시~오후6시
(점심시간 낮12시~오후1시)

영작교정 게시판

영어 말하기와 쓰기를 동시에 잡는다!

자신 있게 쓸 수 있는 영작문을 위해 파워잉글리쉬 수업을 수강하시는
회원님들께 무료로 제공해드리는 부가 서비스로, 전문 분야를 제외한 자유 주제
또는 강사님이 내주시는 과제를 회원님께서 영어로 작성해주시면,
담당 강사 님께서 ‘문법 오류 교정’ 과 ‘더 나은 영어식 표현’으로 교정해주는
서비스 입니다.

ielts task 1 bar graph

작성자: 이*구
2021-08-22 259

회원님의 영작문





The chart estimates the total number of minutes(in billions) of telephone calls in UK, dividing into three categories.

The most eye-catching part is the Local-fixed line. They are the highest above all. Starting from 70 billions in 1995, their amount rose steadily, reaching the highest point in 1999. Unfortunately, they started to fall slightly after that. At the end of the given year, they drop to 70 billions, return to where they have started.
Not like Local-fixed line, National and international-fixed line and Mobile grew their amount step by step. National and international-fixed line increase 3 to 5% every year, almost catching up to Local-fixed line in 2002 by reaching over 60 billion.
Moblie was the lowest and remain their place but their increase was dramatic. In 1995, they were no more than 3 billion. However, their growth was steady. By the 2000, they added 10 billion calls, reaching over 20. the next year, they increase approximately double and reach 40, same as National an

강사님의 첨삭교정 내용

Hello Ian!

Thank you for sending me this IELTS answer to the chart/ Bar graph below. I am not sure if this a sample answer or your own answer but then there are a few grammatical suggestions I have made. 

As obviously shown on the chart, 1999 has the highest Local-fixed line and in the year 2002, it was the peak of National and international fixed line and Mobiles.

In short, take note of the most obvious and most remarkable characteristics of the graphs/ charts so that you can logically explain the remaining details. 

See you soon!

-T. Donna =)

The chart estimates the total number of minutes(in billions) of telephone calls in UK, dividing into three categories.
>> Correct!
OR: The chart estimates the total number of minutes(in billions) of telephone calls in UK, dividing into three categories. The chart estimates the total number of minutes(in billions) of telephone calls in UK, divided into three categories.

The most eye-catching part is the Local-fixed line. They are the highest above all. Starting from 70 billions in 1995, their amount rose steadily, reaching the highest point in 1999. Unfortunately, they started to fall slightly after that. 
>> Correct!
OR: 70 billion 

At the end of the given year, they drop to 70 billions, return to where they have started.
>> At the end of the given year, they dropped to 70 billion and returned to where they have started.

Not like Local-fixed line, National and international-fixed line and Mobile grew their amount step by step. National and international-fixed line increase 3 to 5% every year, almost catching up to Local-fixed line in 2002 by reaching over 60 billion.
>> Not like the Local-fixed line, National and international-fixed line and Mobile grew their amounts step by step. National and international-fixed line increased 3 to 5% every year, almost catching up to the Local-fixed line in 2002 by reaching over 60 billion.

Moblie was the lowest and remain their place but their increase was dramatic. In 1995, they were no more than 3 billion. However, their growth was steady. 
>> Mobile was the lowest and remained on its place but their increase was dramatic. In 1995, they were no more than 3 billion. However, their growth was steady. 

By the 2000, they added 10 billion calls, reaching over 20. the next year, they increase approximately double and reach 40, same as National and Mobiles.
>> By the year 2000, they added 10 billion calls, reaching over 20. The next year, they increased approximately double and reached 40 same as National and Mobiles.
번호 제목 글쓴이 공개 상태 등록일 조회수
110408 Task 이*준 완료 2021-07-30 275
110407 North and South Korea restore hotline after a year 유*진 완료 2021-07-30 1
110406 Who is your role model? 하*조 완료 2021-07-30 269
110405 How can you become happy again when you are sad? 박*은 완료 2021-07-30 255
110404 What special dream do you remember? 안*윤 완료 2021-07-29 1
110403 Page 57 오*은 완료 2021-07-29 161
110402 The greatest woman? 이*하 완료 2021-07-29 215
110401 What is are differences between education in Korea and education... 하*윤 완료 2021-07-29 207
110400 HOMEWORK FOR TODAY: Writing: What applications do you use to... 유*민 완료 2021-07-29 269
110399 Which one do you think is better, working in Korea or working in... 최*옥 완료 2021-07-29 0
110398 What is are differences between education in Korea and education... 최*옥 완료 2021-07-29 0
110397 I worked very hard!!!^^;; 김*랑 완료 2021-07-29 218
110396 Fill in the blanks 이*윤 완료 2021-07-29 255
110395 What is are differences between education in Korea and education... 류*주 완료 2021-07-29 233
110394 My bucket lists 민*정 완료 2021-07-29 3
110393 Thursday homework 류*우 완료 2021-07-29 213
110392 Wednesday homework 류*우 완료 2021-07-29 285
110391 In your own opinion, what\'s the most beautiful country? Why? ye*nhi 완료 2021-07-29 1
110390 home work 김*우 완료 2021-07-29 221
110389 Weight 기*현 완료 2021-07-29 197

HOW TO USE IT?

[마이페이지 > 수업 내용 보기 > 학습 캘린더 > 영작교정 버튼 클릭]

수업 횟수만큼 영작교정 게시판이 생성되며,
지난 날짜에도 게시 할 수 있습니다.

주5회 수업 : 월 20회 이용 가능
주3회 수업 : 월 12회 이용 가능
주2회 수업 : 월 08회 이용 가능
01
교정 내용은 최대 1,000byte까지 올릴 수 있습니다.

첨부 파일은 원활한 첨삭을 위한 참고자료로 사용될 뿐,
파일에 대한 첨삭은 불가능 합니다.

업로드 가능한 첨부 파일은 최대 2mb까지이며,
첨부 할 수 있는 파일 형식은 다음과 같습니다.

문서 - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
이미지 - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
전문 분야를 제외한 회원님이 직접 작성한 글만
첨삭이 가능하며,

올려주신 글의 강사님 첨삭은 24시간 이내에
완료 되는 것을 원칙으로 하고 있습니다.
03
하루 게시 가능한 글은 3회까지 이며,
종료된 수업의 영작교정 게시판은
이용이 어려운 점 양해 부탁 드립니다.
04

와이즈에듀케이션아이(주) 사이트명: 파워잉글리쉬 대표이사 전상현
사업자등록번호: 217-81-44736 통신판매신고번호: 2014-서울도봉-0233호
서울본사: 서울시 노원구 한글비석로 245 두타빌 B동 7층 713호
대표번호 1688-8672 개인정보관리 책임자: 안희영 [powerenglish@pweng.net]