¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

Some people think children should have the freedom to make mistakes, while other people believe that

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: Ȳ*ÇÏ
2021-08-23 363

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

There is saying "Failure teaches success". Most successful people always say that people should not be afraid of failure and it is better to give it a try than not to do it, even if the result is not what we expected. In fact, it is hard to overcome from the failure but we have seen enormous people who overcome hard time and then, be a leader on their professional area. Parents in Korea encourage children to learn anything from sports to arts and a lot of subjects which affect their future life. There are many negative effect caused by private education however, I believe that these trial make children strong because they would put more efforts to be successful after permitting mistakes. There is nobody who success without trial and error. I know the importance of education but just imagine how babies learn when they grow up. They make a lot of mistakes and then learn how to act, eat and communicate. As parents, there is many situation that I would be upset because of my children but i

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Good morning Mr. Hwang~! ^^ Thanks for your opinion on your essay. Keep writing! Keep learning! 
TEACHER GEMMA
There is a saying "Failure teaches success".
>>> CORRECT
 Most successful people always say that people should not be afraid of failure and it is better to give it a try than not doing it, even if the result is not what we expected. 
>>>  Most successful people always say that people should not be afraid of failing and it is better to give it a try than not doing it, even if the result is not what we were expecting.
In fact, it is hard to overcome from the failure but we have seen enormous people who overcome hard time and then, be a leader on their professional area. 
 >>> In fact, it is hard to overcome failures but we have seen enormous people who had overcome hardships and then became a leader on their professional area. 
Parents in Korea encourage children to learn anything from sports to arts and a lot of subjects which affect their future life. 
>>> Parents in Korea encourage their children to learn something from sports to arts and a lot of subjects that would affect their future life. 
There are many negative effect caused by private education however, I believe that these trial make children strong because they would put more efforts to be successful after permitting mistakes. 
>>> There are many negative effects being caused by private education however, I believe that these trials can make the children stronger because they would put more efforts to be successful after committing mistakes. 
There is nobody who success without trial and error. 
>>> Nobody becomes successful without trial and error. 
I know the importance of education but just imagine how babies learn when they grow up. 
>>> CORRECT
They make a lot of mistakes and then learn how to act, eat and communicate. 
>>> CORRECT
As parents, there is many situation that I would be upset because of my children but i
>>> As parents, there are many instances where I would get upset because of my children but I...

¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
110967 No home work! Á¶*¾Ö ¿Ï·á 2021-08-17 320
110966 Writing task: What is the most worthwhile thing a person can do... Á¶*¾Ö ¿Ï·á 2021-08-17 2
110965 HOMEWORK ±è*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2021-08-17 343
110964 Homework ³²*¸® ¿Ï·á 2021-08-17 285
110963 Homework °­*¾Æ ¿Ï·á 2021-08-17 249
110962 Homework ½É*»ó ¿Ï·á 2021-08-17 610
110961 Homework ±è*Çõ ¿Ï·á 2021-08-17 666
110960 What is your idea of a perfect vacation? ÃÖ*¿ø ¿Ï·á 2021-08-17 236
110959 8.17 homework ÀÓ*À± ¿Ï·á 2021-08-17 4
110958 Page 37 ¿À*Àº ¿Ï·á 2021-08-17 361
110957 I think there is a limit to revealing your individuality! ±è*¶û ¿Ï·á 2021-08-17 380
110956 Fill in the blanks ÀÌ*À± ¿Ï·á 2021-08-17 331
110955 Why do you think body language is important? ¿©*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-08-17 0
110954 What is your idea of a perfect vacation? Kindly explain it. ·ù*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2021-08-17 295
110953 page 37 ä*¼­ ¿Ï·á 2021-08-17 314
110952 Tuesday Homework ·ù*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2021-08-17 305
110951 homework ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2021-08-17 334
110950 How do you avoid stress and negative thoughts? Share your answer... Á¤*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2021-08-17 391
110949 What do you do if someone asks you for money? ³ë*ÀÌ ¿Ï·á 2021-08-17 1
110948 home work on Aug 17 ÃÖ*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2021-08-17 1

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04