¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

Some people think children should have the freedom to make mistakes, while other people believe that

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: Ȳ*ÇÏ
2021-08-23 462

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

There is saying "Failure teaches success". Most successful people always say that people should not be afraid of failure and it is better to give it a try than not to do it, even if the result is not what we expected. In fact, it is hard to overcome from the failure but we have seen enormous people who overcome hard time and then, be a leader on their professional area. Parents in Korea encourage children to learn anything from sports to arts and a lot of subjects which affect their future life. There are many negative effect caused by private education however, I believe that these trial make children strong because they would put more efforts to be successful after permitting mistakes. There is nobody who success without trial and error. I know the importance of education but just imagine how babies learn when they grow up. They make a lot of mistakes and then learn how to act, eat and communicate. As parents, there is many situation that I would be upset because of my children but i

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Good morning Mr. Hwang~! ^^ Thanks for your opinion on your essay. Keep writing! Keep learning! 
TEACHER GEMMA
There is a saying "Failure teaches success".
>>> CORRECT
 Most successful people always say that people should not be afraid of failure and it is better to give it a try than not doing it, even if the result is not what we expected. 
>>>  Most successful people always say that people should not be afraid of failing and it is better to give it a try than not doing it, even if the result is not what we were expecting.
In fact, it is hard to overcome from the failure but we have seen enormous people who overcome hard time and then, be a leader on their professional area. 
 >>> In fact, it is hard to overcome failures but we have seen enormous people who had overcome hardships and then became a leader on their professional area. 
Parents in Korea encourage children to learn anything from sports to arts and a lot of subjects which affect their future life. 
>>> Parents in Korea encourage their children to learn something from sports to arts and a lot of subjects that would affect their future life. 
There are many negative effect caused by private education however, I believe that these trial make children strong because they would put more efforts to be successful after permitting mistakes. 
>>> There are many negative effects being caused by private education however, I believe that these trials can make the children stronger because they would put more efforts to be successful after committing mistakes. 
There is nobody who success without trial and error. 
>>> Nobody becomes successful without trial and error. 
I know the importance of education but just imagine how babies learn when they grow up. 
>>> CORRECT
They make a lot of mistakes and then learn how to act, eat and communicate. 
>>> CORRECT
As parents, there is many situation that I would be upset because of my children but i
>>> As parents, there are many instances where I would get upset because of my children but I...

¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
109661 Cashless Korea puts paid to Pickpockets À¯*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-06-28 1
109660 What do you think of a DINK family set up? (DINK - a partner in... ±è*¼ö ¿Ï·á 2021-06-28 441
109659 What is the purpose of summer camp? ±è*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2021-06-28 480
109658 Imagine that you would be writing a complaint letter about your... ±è*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2021-06-28 1
109657 Do you like change? ¹Ú*°æ ¿Ï·á 2021-06-27 485
109656 Why do people avoid talking about politics? ±è*±¹ ¿Ï·á 2021-06-27 2
109655 What are you eating nowadays? ±Ç*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2021-06-27 473
109654 Bill that could add four holidays this year gains traction À¯*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-06-27 1
109653 My cell phone ¹Î*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2021-06-26 2
109652 HOMEWORK ±è*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2021-06-26 371
109651 What do you feel when you see good looking people? ¾È*À± ¿Ï·á 2021-06-25 1
109650 Describe the set up of an ideal family. (In your own idea or... ±è*¼ö ¿Ï·á 2021-06-25 538
109649 My favorite poem ÀÌ*ÇÏ ¿Ï·á 2021-06-25 646
109648 Email 3 ±è*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2021-06-25 562
109647 Email ±è*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2021-06-25 522
109646 Email ±è*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2021-06-25 406
109645 Homework °­*¾Æ ¿Ï·á 2021-06-25 465
109644 My favorite mystery story is . ±è*¶û ¿Ï·á 2021-06-25 573
109643 Did you enjoy festivals better when you were still younger or do... ¿©*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-06-25 0
109642 Hello buddy ½É*½Ä ¿Ï·á 2021-06-25 553

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04