¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

ielts task 2

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ÀÌ*±¸
2021-08-25 368

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®





In many countries, lots of companies have established. Some became international companies and they compete to provide their customers cheaper, developed products. This is important because its not just good for customers but also good for the countries economy.
But if theres a good thing, bad things come along almost all the time. While they produce items, industrial waste also came out during the process, such as pollution water or useless materials.
Not every companies treat this garbage in right way. For example, some companies pull out their polluted water to near by river and throw useless materials on the ground. This an harm nature and damage nearby communities.
In addition, after the item is used enough or new developed one has produced, people tend to throw away what they originally have and they transform into a garbage. As the develop continues in fast pace, these cycle happens rapidly and this fasten the harm on the nature.
However, the world has changed. In the past, comp

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi Ian!

The arguments you made here are very good! Your introduction was solid and the body and discussion is very substantial. I have placed some suggestions in black color so that you can locate them easily. 

I hope that you can complete typing the rest of the answer as I do not have much time to copy them below. Please send me the remaining part then? Thank you for working hard always.^^

-T. Donna =)

In many countries, lots of companies have established. Some became international companies and they compete to provide their customers cheaper, developed products. This is important because its not just good for customers but also good for the countries economy.
>> In many countries, lots of companies have been established. Some became international companies and they compete to provide their customers cheaper, developed products. This is important because its not just good for customers but also good for the countries' economy.


But if theres a good thing, bad things come along almost all the time. While they produce items, industrial waste also came out during the process, such as pollution water or useless materials.
>> But if there's a good thing, bad things come along almost all the time. While they produce items, industrial wastes also come out during the process, such as polluted water or useless materials.

Not every companies treat this garbage in right way. For example, some companies pull out their polluted water to near by river and throw useless materials on the ground. This an harm nature and damage nearby communities.
>> Not every company treats these garbage in the right way. For example, some companies pull out their polluted water to nearby river and throw useless materials on the ground. This can harm nature and damage nearby communities.

In addition, after the item is used enough or new developed one has produced, people tend to throw away what they originally have and they transform into a garbage. As the develop continues in fast pace, these cycle happens rapidly and this fasten the harm on the nature.
>> In addition, after the item is used enough or new developed one has been produced, people tend to throw away what they originally have and they transform them into a garbage. As the development continues in a fast pace, this cycle happens rapidly and this hastens the harm in nature.

However, the world has changed. In the past, comp
>> Correct!
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
112181 Why is it important to pay attention when someone is talking to... ¼Û*·É ¿Ï·á 2021-09-24 564
112180 Homework °­*¼± ¿Ï·á 2021-09-24 594
112179 Friend ±â*Çö ¿Ï·á 2021-09-24 571
112178 Homework ÇÔ*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2021-09-24 1
112177 My homework Àü*¼± ¿Ï·á 2021-09-24 427
112176 you could take a vacation a vacation anywhere in the world for... ÀÌ*¶÷ ¿Ï·á 2021-09-24 4
112175 Howework ±Ç*¼ö ¿Ï·á 2021-09-24 6
112174 Homework ÀÓ*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2021-09-24 1
112173 Seoul\'s Real Estate Tax Revenues Double over Last Five Years À¯*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-09-24 1
112172 37th homework Á¤*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2021-09-24 2
112171 Young-Kwang\'s Success Diary ¹Ú*±¤ ¿Ï·á 2021-09-24 2
112170 Why is a warranty important? ÁÖ*¼® ¿Ï·á 2021-09-24 478
112169 What are you most productive? ¼­*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2021-09-24 3
112168 What things do you want to add or remove in your house? Explain... ÇÏ*À± ¿Ï·á 2021-09-24 819
112167 writing part1 ½Å*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-09-24 1077
112166 ¿µÀÛ ¼÷Á¦ ÀÌ*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2021-09-24 0
112165 ¿µÀÛ ¼÷Á¦ ÀÌ*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2021-09-24 1
112164 Fight or flight! ±è*¶û ¿Ï·á 2021-09-23 626
112163 What do you think about multiracial marriage? ¾È*À± ¿Ï·á 2021-09-23 1
112162 Homework ±è*À± ¿Ï·á 2021-09-23 484

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04