¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

ielts task 2

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ÀÌ*±¸
2021-08-25 331

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®





In many countries, lots of companies have established. Some became international companies and they compete to provide their customers cheaper, developed products. This is important because its not just good for customers but also good for the countries economy.
But if theres a good thing, bad things come along almost all the time. While they produce items, industrial waste also came out during the process, such as pollution water or useless materials.
Not every companies treat this garbage in right way. For example, some companies pull out their polluted water to near by river and throw useless materials on the ground. This an harm nature and damage nearby communities.
In addition, after the item is used enough or new developed one has produced, people tend to throw away what they originally have and they transform into a garbage. As the develop continues in fast pace, these cycle happens rapidly and this fasten the harm on the nature.
However, the world has changed. In the past, comp

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi Ian!

The arguments you made here are very good! Your introduction was solid and the body and discussion is very substantial. I have placed some suggestions in black color so that you can locate them easily. 

I hope that you can complete typing the rest of the answer as I do not have much time to copy them below. Please send me the remaining part then? Thank you for working hard always.^^

-T. Donna =)

In many countries, lots of companies have established. Some became international companies and they compete to provide their customers cheaper, developed products. This is important because its not just good for customers but also good for the countries economy.
>> In many countries, lots of companies have been established. Some became international companies and they compete to provide their customers cheaper, developed products. This is important because its not just good for customers but also good for the countries' economy.


But if theres a good thing, bad things come along almost all the time. While they produce items, industrial waste also came out during the process, such as pollution water or useless materials.
>> But if there's a good thing, bad things come along almost all the time. While they produce items, industrial wastes also come out during the process, such as polluted water or useless materials.

Not every companies treat this garbage in right way. For example, some companies pull out their polluted water to near by river and throw useless materials on the ground. This an harm nature and damage nearby communities.
>> Not every company treats these garbage in the right way. For example, some companies pull out their polluted water to nearby river and throw useless materials on the ground. This can harm nature and damage nearby communities.

In addition, after the item is used enough or new developed one has produced, people tend to throw away what they originally have and they transform into a garbage. As the develop continues in fast pace, these cycle happens rapidly and this fasten the harm on the nature.
>> In addition, after the item is used enough or new developed one has been produced, people tend to throw away what they originally have and they transform them into a garbage. As the development continues in a fast pace, this cycle happens rapidly and this hastens the harm in nature.

However, the world has changed. In the past, comp
>> Correct!
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
111046 Why do you think body language is important? ·ù*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2021-08-19 429
111045 Thursday homework ·ù*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2021-08-19 368
111044 Globalization is positive for economies but its negative sides... Ȳ*ÇÏ ¿Ï·á 2021-08-19 401
111043 If for the first time, you would experience a racial... Á¤*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2021-08-19 442
111042 Homework À±*ÀÓ ¿Ï·á 2021-08-19 356
111041 Does your hometown have any festivals? What happens at that... ³ë*ÀÌ ¿Ï·á 2021-08-19 3
111040 What other country do you want to travel after COVID 19? ¾È*À± ¿Ï·á 2021-08-19 6
111039 My homework Àü*¼± ¿Ï·á 2021-08-19 520
111038 I can\'t patient for an mc-morning Á¤*¾Æ ¿Ï·á 2021-08-19 370
111037 cv ¹Ú*±¤ ¿Ï·á 2021-08-19 2
111036 Homework ½É*¼º ¿Ï·á 2021-08-19 2
111035 Would you send a dish back if it did not taste good or if you... ±è*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2021-08-19 1
111034 Sightseeing flights take passengers over Dokdo on Liberaton Day À¯*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-08-19 1
111033 Homework ÀÓ*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2021-08-19 2
111032 Winter ±â*Çö ¿Ï·á 2021-08-19 357
111031 The Secret To Turn Ammonia Into Water Without Releasing Carbon... È«*Çý ¿Ï·á 2021-08-19 5
111030 How do you get in touch with your goof friends nowadays? Share... ÀÌ*Çö ¿Ï·á 2021-08-19 405
111029 Homework Àå*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2021-08-19 539
111028 If you can change something about yourself, what would it be and... ¹Ú*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2021-08-19 313
111027 What exotic foods do you want to try and why? ÃÖ*¿ø ¿Ï·á 2021-08-19 1

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04