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영작교정 게시판

영어 말하기와 쓰기를 동시에 잡는다!

자신 있게 쓸 수 있는 영작문을 위해 파워잉글리쉬 수업을 수강하시는
회원님들께 무료로 제공해드리는 부가 서비스로, 전문 분야를 제외한 자유 주제
또는 강사님이 내주시는 과제를 회원님께서 영어로 작성해주시면,
담당 강사 님께서 ‘문법 오류 교정’ 과 ‘더 나은 영어식 표현’으로 교정해주는
서비스 입니다.

Do you think self-esteem affects beauty?

작성자: 백*진
2021-08-26 361

회원님의 영작문

I think the concept of “beauty” depends on the way of thinking of the society. It means that self-esteem can affect beauty. The standard of beauty changes as time goes. Also, there are various opinions about the beauty. Surely, beauty is a subjective thing.
In my opinion, beauty is related to one’s health. Not to mention the physical health, beauty can show one’s mental health. When we describe somebody “beautiful”, it not only implies a beautiful appearance but also an aura that comes from the healthy mind. If a good-looking person uses a lot of slang and behave badly, he or she doesn’t look beautiful despite of his outstanding appearance. And plus, if some people without good-looking are proud of themselves, their self-esteem would come out on their face and words, which impress others in positive ways. In that case, people think them really beautiful. Of course, someone who respect themselves will not lazy in keeping themselves clean and neat, the physical part of beauty.

강사님의 첨삭교정 내용

Hello Sujin! Well done in this composition, you were able to tackle the different kinds of beauty and explained them very well. There are a few grammar mistakes, however, overall, you did a great job.

- Teacher Ivy :)

I think the concept of “beauty” depends on the way of thinking of the society.

>> I think the concept of ‘beauty’ depends on society’s way of thinking.

It means that self-esteem can affect beauty.

>>Correct

The standard of beauty changes as time goes.

>> Correct

Also, there are various opinions about the beauty.

>> Also the various opinions about beauty.

Surely, beauty is a subjective thing.

>> Correct
In my opinion, beauty is related to one’s health.

>> Correct

Not to mention the physical health, beauty can show one’s mental health.

>> In addition to physical health, beauty can show one’s mental health.

When we describe somebody “beautiful”, it not only implies a beautiful appearance but also an aura that comes from the healthy mind.

>> When we describe somebody “beautiful”, it does not only imply a beautiful appearance but also an aura that comes from a healthy mind.

If a good-looking person uses a lot of slang and behave badly, he or she doesn’t look beautiful despite of his outstanding appearance.

>> If a good-looking person uses a lot of slang and behaves badly, he or she doesn’t look beautiful despite of their outstanding appearance.

And plus, if some people without good-looking are proud of themselves, their self-esteem would come out on their face and words, which impress others in positive ways.

>> Plus, if some people who is not good-looking are proud of themselves, their self-esteem would show on their faces, which would impress others in positive ways.

In that case, people think them really beautiful.

>> In that case, people find them really beautiful.

Of course, someone who respect themselves will not lazy in keeping themselves clean and neat, the physical part of beauty.

>> Of course, someone who respect themselves, is not lazy in keeping themselves neat and clean, is part of beauty.

 

 

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첨삭이 가능하며,

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완료 되는 것을 원칙으로 하고 있습니다.
03
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