¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

Should refugees have equal rights with Koreans at work? Share your answer in a short paragraph.

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: Á¤*¿ì
2021-08-30 254

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

I think accepting refugees means accepting them as members of our society. Thus they should have same status, rights and responsibility as other Koreans. Giving them equal rights at work does not mean that we should give them the jobs unconditionally or we should pay them the salary regardless of their output. Being equal means giving them equivalent chances to find out the job and proper salary for how they worked. Since we accepted them as the members of our society, it is reasonable to treat them equally. However, they might need more assistances to adapt themselves to our society. Therefore, we should be more tolerant to them and try to understand their difficulties.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Good day Vicky!

I believe that you have a very good understanding of the situation of the refugees there in your country. Although they may be short of skills and have a different set of work culture, we know that this is the case because they came from a country of anarchy and less opportunity. To expect them to work as hard as you do may frustrate you.

Anyway, if you take a look at your sentences below, they are all grammatically perfect, well done! The usage of comma is the only insertion made to the first sentence. However, be careful as not to overuse this mark in your sentences. Congratulations!

See you then!

-T. Donna =)

I think accepting refugees means accepting them as members of our society. Thus they should have same status, rights and responsibility as other Koreans.
>> Correct!
Or: Thus, they should have same status, rights, and responsibility as other Koreans.

 Giving them equal rights at work does not mean that we should give them the jobs unconditionally or we should pay them the salary regardless of their output.
>> Correct!

 Being equal means giving them equivalent chances to find out the job and proper salary for how they worked. 
>> Correct!

Since we accepted them as the members of our society, it is reasonable to treat them equally. 
>> Correct!

However, they might need more assistances to adapt themselves to our society. 
>> Correct!

Therefore, we should be more tolerant to them and try to understand their difficulties.
>> Correct!
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
111583 Homework ÀÓ*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2021-09-03 3
111582 Tell me about your favorite types of conversations to have? What... ±è*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2021-09-03 0
111581 25th homework Á¤*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2021-09-03 2
111580 increase of premium ±Ç*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2021-09-03 328
111579 Would you like to learn how to fly a plane? Why? Why not? ±è*ÀÓ ¿Ï·á 2021-09-03 367
111578 Homework ±è*È¿ ¿Ï·á 2021-09-03 356
111577 Homework ±è*È¿ ¿Ï·á 2021-09-03 330
111576 e-mail correction ¹Ú*±¤ ¿Ï·á 2021-09-03 1
111575 Homework ±è*È¿ ¿Ï·á 2021-09-03 469
111574 Homework ±è*È¿ ¿Ï·á 2021-09-03 353
111573 Homework ÇÔ*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2021-09-03 1
111572 Homework ¾ç*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-09-03 0
111571 What keeps you busy during a long trip? ÁÖ*¼® ¿Ï·á 2021-09-03 336
111570 How do you refresh your mind throughout the workday? ·ù*¼± ¿Ï·á 2021-09-03 442
111569 9.2 homework ÀÓ*À± ¿Ï·á 2021-09-03 1
111568 Homework: What do you think is the hardest job in the world and... ±è*¼­ ¿Ï·á 2021-09-03 410
111567 Homework °­*¼± ¿Ï·á 2021-09-02 635
111566 Journal ¹Ú*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2021-09-02 385
111565 Have you ever felt proud of making a mistake? ±è*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2021-09-02 1
111564 What makes you unhappy? ¾È*À± ¿Ï·á 2021-09-02 3

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04