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영작교정 게시판

영어 말하기와 쓰기를 동시에 잡는다!

자신 있게 쓸 수 있는 영작문을 위해 파워잉글리쉬 수업을 수강하시는
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담당 강사 님께서 ‘문법 오류 교정’ 과 ‘더 나은 영어식 표현’으로 교정해주는
서비스 입니다.

Should refugees have equal rights with Koreans at work? Share your answer in a short paragraph.

작성자: 정*우
2021-08-30 345

회원님의 영작문

I think accepting refugees means accepting them as members of our society. Thus they should have same status, rights and responsibility as other Koreans. Giving them equal rights at work does not mean that we should give them the jobs unconditionally or we should pay them the salary regardless of their output. Being equal means giving them equivalent chances to find out the job and proper salary for how they worked. Since we accepted them as the members of our society, it is reasonable to treat them equally. However, they might need more assistances to adapt themselves to our society. Therefore, we should be more tolerant to them and try to understand their difficulties.

강사님의 첨삭교정 내용

Good day Vicky!

I believe that you have a very good understanding of the situation of the refugees there in your country. Although they may be short of skills and have a different set of work culture, we know that this is the case because they came from a country of anarchy and less opportunity. To expect them to work as hard as you do may frustrate you.

Anyway, if you take a look at your sentences below, they are all grammatically perfect, well done! The usage of comma is the only insertion made to the first sentence. However, be careful as not to overuse this mark in your sentences. Congratulations!

See you then!

-T. Donna =)

I think accepting refugees means accepting them as members of our society. Thus they should have same status, rights and responsibility as other Koreans.
>> Correct!
Or: Thus, they should have same status, rights, and responsibility as other Koreans.

 Giving them equal rights at work does not mean that we should give them the jobs unconditionally or we should pay them the salary regardless of their output.
>> Correct!

 Being equal means giving them equivalent chances to find out the job and proper salary for how they worked. 
>> Correct!

Since we accepted them as the members of our society, it is reasonable to treat them equally. 
>> Correct!

However, they might need more assistances to adapt themselves to our society. 
>> Correct!

Therefore, we should be more tolerant to them and try to understand their difficulties.
>> Correct!
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