¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

ielts task 2

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ÀÌ*±¸
2021-08-30 546

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®



However, the world has changed. In the past, companies didn`t care about the nature and just focus on making new products. Nowadays, they started to fell the importance of the nature and started to make no waste, nature friendly items. for example, company which makes styrofoam released a new type one. Its like a natural one but an easily decomposed into nature without remaining any waste.
Because of these I disagree with the topic. I would have agree if I wrote this in 20th century or bring off the word ¡®seriously¡¯. Of course making products are still damaging our lives but by the hard work from companies and customers, we`re learning how to live along with nature

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi there Ian!

I agree with the points you have raised here on this composition. Most companies nowadays have placed so much importance on corporate responsibility in such a way that while we are enjoying products as we used to many years ago, we can also take care of our environment at the same time.

You used effective transition as well as appropriate vocabulary. Thank you for sending me this part. I will go over the other to see if you wield your ideas well altogether.

See you in class tomorrow!

-T. Donna =)

However, the world has changed. In the past, companies didn`t care about the nature and just focus on making new products. 
>> Correct!

Nowadays, they started to fell the importance of the nature and started to make no waste, nature friendly items. 
>> Nowadays, they started to feel the importance of nature and started to make no waste and nature friendly items. 

for example, company which makes styrofoam released a new type one. 
>> For example, a company which makes Styrofoam released a new one/ a new type. 

Its like a natural one but an easily decomposed into nature without remaining any waste.
>> It's like a natural one but easily decomposed into nature without any remaining waste.

Because of these I disagree with the topic. I would have agree if I wrote this in 20th century or bring off the word ¡®seriously¡¯. 
>> Because of these, I disagree with the topic. I would have agreed if I wrote this on the 20th century or brought off the word ¡®seriously¡¯. 

Of course making products are still damaging our lives but by the hard work from companies and customers, we`re learning how to live along with nature.
>> Correct!
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
115221 HOMEWORK : What are the first things you want to accomplish this... ¹Ú*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2022-01-04 2
115220 homework ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2022-01-04 316
115219 homework ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2022-01-04 370
115218 Late rising. ¹Î*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2022-01-04 2
115217 homework À±*Àº ¿Ï·á 2022-01-04 360
115216 What do you prioritize when you buy something (brand, price,... ±Ý*Áø ¿Ï·á 2022-01-04 470
115215 Electricity price increase to deepen inflation concerns À¯*Áø ¿Ï·á 2022-01-04 2
115214 new year ±Ç*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2022-01-04 465
115213 How can traveling be educational? ÇÑ*È£ ¿Ï·á 2022-01-04 790
115212 My homework~~^^ ¹Ú*Çü ¿Ï·á 2022-01-04 400
115211 What do you usually wish for during your birthday? ¹Ú*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2022-01-04 362
115210 What makes an advertisement memorable? ±Ç*À± ¿Ï·á 2022-01-04 0
115209 Do you think overpopulation is an important environmental issue? ¾ç*ºó ¿Ï·á 2022-01-04 1
115208 What are you looking forward to the most this new year? ¿©*Áø ¿Ï·á 2022-01-04 2
115207 What are the beautiful places that you have visited in Korea? ±è*À± ¿Ï·á 2022-01-03 357
115206 What kind of cause or charity organizations are you particularly... ¹®*Çö ¿Ï·á 2022-01-03 507
115205 homework ¹Ú*Çö ¿Ï·á 2022-01-03 2
115204 Are you willing to work overtime? ¹®*Çö ¿Ï·á 2022-01-03 377
115203 What is your lifelong dream? why? À±*Áø ¿Ï·á 2022-01-03 2
115202 What are your New Year\'s resolutions. ¹é*Áø ¿Ï·á 2022-01-03 1150

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04