¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

ielts task 2

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ÀÌ*±¸
2021-08-30 210

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®



However, the world has changed. In the past, companies didn`t care about the nature and just focus on making new products. Nowadays, they started to fell the importance of the nature and started to make no waste, nature friendly items. for example, company which makes styrofoam released a new type one. Its like a natural one but an easily decomposed into nature without remaining any waste.
Because of these I disagree with the topic. I would have agree if I wrote this in 20th century or bring off the word ¡®seriously¡¯. Of course making products are still damaging our lives but by the hard work from companies and customers, we`re learning how to live along with nature

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi there Ian!

I agree with the points you have raised here on this composition. Most companies nowadays have placed so much importance on corporate responsibility in such a way that while we are enjoying products as we used to many years ago, we can also take care of our environment at the same time.

You used effective transition as well as appropriate vocabulary. Thank you for sending me this part. I will go over the other to see if you wield your ideas well altogether.

See you in class tomorrow!

-T. Donna =)

However, the world has changed. In the past, companies didn`t care about the nature and just focus on making new products. 
>> Correct!

Nowadays, they started to fell the importance of the nature and started to make no waste, nature friendly items. 
>> Nowadays, they started to feel the importance of nature and started to make no waste and nature friendly items. 

for example, company which makes styrofoam released a new type one. 
>> For example, a company which makes Styrofoam released a new one/ a new type. 

Its like a natural one but an easily decomposed into nature without remaining any waste.
>> It's like a natural one but easily decomposed into nature without any remaining waste.

Because of these I disagree with the topic. I would have agree if I wrote this in 20th century or bring off the word ¡®seriously¡¯. 
>> Because of these, I disagree with the topic. I would have agreed if I wrote this on the 20th century or brought off the word ¡®seriously¡¯. 

Of course making products are still damaging our lives but by the hard work from companies and customers, we`re learning how to live along with nature.
>> Correct!
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
111106 What festivals do you have in your city? Can you explain what... ¿À*Àº ¿Ï·á 2021-08-22 216
111105 ielts task 1 bar graph ÀÌ*±¸ ¿Ï·á 2021-08-22 212
111104 home work on Aug 20 ÃÖ*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2021-08-22 1
111103 What medical law do you want to be made? Share your answer in a... Á¤*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2021-08-22 201
111102 [8/19]Homework ¹Ú*¹ü ¿Ï·á 2021-08-22 1
111101 [8/18]Homework ¹Ú*¹ü ¿Ï·á 2021-08-22 1
111100 Are you an adventurous person? ¾È*À± ¿Ï·á 2021-08-21 2
111099 If you moved to another country, what things would you miss... ¿©*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-08-21 0
111098 What festivals do you have in your city? Can you explain what... ÃÖ*¿ø ¿Ï·á 2021-08-21 1
111097 What is your favorite look? ÀÌ*Çö ¿Ï·á 2021-08-21 282
111096 home work on Aug 19 ÃÖ*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2021-08-21 0
111095 My name ¹Î*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2021-08-21 1
111094 home work on Aug 18 ÃÖ*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2021-08-21 0
111093 2nd homework ±è*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2021-08-21 8
111092 What is the hardest thing to cook? ±è*Àº ¿Ï·á 2021-08-21 6
111091 Why do some people love eating spicy food? Àü*¿ø ¿Ï·á 2021-08-20 206
111090 Do you like to travel to work or to enjoy? Share your answer in... ÀÌ*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2021-08-20 987
111089 8.20 homework ÀÓ*À± ¿Ï·á 2021-08-20 2
111088 53 ä*¼­ ¿Ï·á 2021-08-20 185
111087 If you moved to another country, what things would you miss... ÇÏ*À± ¿Ï·á 2021-08-20 267

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04