¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

Exercise is secret of my health.

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ±è*¿ì
2021-09-02 183

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

I keep my health by exercising. Though medicine is important to my health, but we can't keep our health by only medicine. I'll cite two reasons why exercising keeps my health.
First, exercising keep my healthy weight. Weight is one of the sign of how the person is healthy. Of course too light weight is unhealthy, but fatness is very serious healthy problem of the person's health. Fatness can be connected to adult disease. Exercising can prevent this problem.
Second, exercising can keep my blood health. Exercising controls my blood sugar and blood pressure. Diseases about blood are serious problems. Exercising prevent these serious diseases.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

I keep my health by exercising. 
>> I keep myself healthy by exercising. 

Though medicine is important to my health, but we can't keep our health by only medicine. 
>>Though medicine is important for our health, we can't keep ourselves healthy only by medicine. 

I'll cite two reasons why exercising keeps my health.
>> I'll cite two reasons why exercising keeps me healthy.

First, exercising keep my healthy weight.
>> First, exercising helps me maintain my weight.

 Weight is one of the sign of how the person is healthy. 
>>  Weight is one of the signs of how healthy a person is. 

Of course too light weight is unhealthy, but fatness is very serious healthy problem of the person's health.
>> Of course being underweight is unhealthy, but being overweight is a very serious health problem.

Fatness can be connected to adult disease.
>> Being overweight can cause diseases.

 Exercising can prevent this problem.
>>  Exercising can prevent these problems.

Second, exercising can keep my blood health.
>> Second, exercising can keep my blood healthy.

Exercising controls my blood sugar and blood pressure. 
>> This is a good sentence. 

Diseases about blood are serious problems.
>> Blood diseases are serious problems.

 Exercising prevent these serious diseases.
>> Exercising prevents these serious diseases.


Very good job, Daniel! It's good that you know how important exercising is. 

¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
111602 My car ¹Î*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2021-09-03 1
111601 What women\'s law related to the article do you want to be made... Á¤*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2021-09-03 186
111600 ielts task 1 ÀÌ*±¸ ¿Ï·á 2021-09-03 392
111599 My Homework °­*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2021-09-03 201
111598 Kate :) ±è*¿ø ¿Ï·á 2021-09-03 5
111597 Fill in the blanks ÀÌ*À± ¿Ï·á 2021-09-03 173
111596 Homework À±*ÀÓ ¿Ï·á 2021-09-03 202
111595 30 ä*¼­ ¿Ï·á 2021-09-03 667
111594 If you can go on a trip with your family, where would it be and... ·ù*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2021-09-03 187
111593 If you can go on a trip with your family, where would it be and... ¿©*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-09-03 1
111592 Friday homeowrk ·ù*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2021-09-03 234
111591 Living Â÷*ºó ¿Ï·á 2021-09-03 235
111590 Inviting Someone ±â*Çö ¿Ï·á 2021-09-03 338
111589 Homework ±Ç*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2021-09-03 3
111588 South Korea alert against lambda variant, toughens measures... À¯*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-09-03 1
111587 Do you agree that money can ruin a relationship? ·ù*¼± ¿Ï·á 2021-09-03 199
111586 what I will wear in the beach ±è*¼º ¿Ï·á 2021-09-03 190
111585 My homework Àü*¼± ¿Ï·á 2021-09-03 188
111584 What health problems can some gadgets cause? ±è*¼ö ¿Ï·á 2021-09-03 221
111583 Homework ÀÓ*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2021-09-03 3

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04