¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

Exercise is secret of my health.

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ±è*¿ì
2021-09-02 182

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

I keep my health by exercising. Though medicine is important to my health, but we can't keep our health by only medicine. I'll cite two reasons why exercising keeps my health.
First, exercising keep my healthy weight. Weight is one of the sign of how the person is healthy. Of course too light weight is unhealthy, but fatness is very serious healthy problem of the person's health. Fatness can be connected to adult disease. Exercising can prevent this problem.
Second, exercising can keep my blood health. Exercising controls my blood sugar and blood pressure. Diseases about blood are serious problems. Exercising prevent these serious diseases.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

I keep my health by exercising. 
>> I keep myself healthy by exercising. 

Though medicine is important to my health, but we can't keep our health by only medicine. 
>>Though medicine is important for our health, we can't keep ourselves healthy only by medicine. 

I'll cite two reasons why exercising keeps my health.
>> I'll cite two reasons why exercising keeps me healthy.

First, exercising keep my healthy weight.
>> First, exercising helps me maintain my weight.

 Weight is one of the sign of how the person is healthy. 
>>  Weight is one of the signs of how healthy a person is. 

Of course too light weight is unhealthy, but fatness is very serious healthy problem of the person's health.
>> Of course being underweight is unhealthy, but being overweight is a very serious health problem.

Fatness can be connected to adult disease.
>> Being overweight can cause diseases.

 Exercising can prevent this problem.
>>  Exercising can prevent these problems.

Second, exercising can keep my blood health.
>> Second, exercising can keep my blood healthy.

Exercising controls my blood sugar and blood pressure. 
>> This is a good sentence. 

Diseases about blood are serious problems.
>> Blood diseases are serious problems.

 Exercising prevent these serious diseases.
>> Exercising prevents these serious diseases.


Very good job, Daniel! It's good that you know how important exercising is. 

¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
111542 e-mail correction ¹Ú*±¤ ¿Ï·á 2021-09-02 1
111541 Day off ±è*¶ó ¿Ï·á 2021-09-02 173
111540 What is made of? ±â*Çö ¿Ï·á 2021-09-02 213
111539 Much, Many ¹Î*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2021-09-02 1
111538 How do you reject your boss\'s request if you are really busy... ÀÌ*Çö ¿Ï·á 2021-09-02 162
111537 HOMEWORK : What is the importance of communication? ¹Ú*Âù ¿Ï·á 2021-09-02 5
111536 Would you like to learn how to fly a plane? Why? Why not? ±è*¼ö ¿Ï·á 2021-09-02 147
111535 When was the last time you achieved a goal? How did you feel? ±è*¼ö ¿Ï·á 2021-09-02 414
111534 Homework ÀÓ*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2021-09-02 2
111533 Homework ½É*¼º ¿Ï·á 2021-09-02 1
111532 Why do you need a friend? ³ë*ÀÌ ¿Ï·á 2021-09-02 1
111531 Do you enjoy traveling? Why? ³ë*ÀÌ ¿Ï·á 2021-09-02 1
111530 Homework ÇÔ*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2021-09-02 1
111529 When was the last time you achieved a goal? How did you feel? ±è*ÀÓ ¿Ï·á 2021-09-02 196
111528 What is the importance of having a balanced diet? ±è*Àº ¿Ï·á 2021-09-02 1
111527 Vaccines ±Ç*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2021-09-02 246
111526 Ninja life À±*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-09-02 196
111525 Homework ¾ç*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-09-02 0
111524 Do you enjoy learning about other countries¡¯ customs? ·ù*¼± ¿Ï·á 2021-09-02 256
111523 ¼÷Á¦ ±è*ºñ ¿Ï·á 2021-09-02 186

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04