¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

Exercise is secret of my health.

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ±è*¿ì
2021-09-02 385

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

I keep my health by exercising. Though medicine is important to my health, but we can't keep our health by only medicine. I'll cite two reasons why exercising keeps my health.
First, exercising keep my healthy weight. Weight is one of the sign of how the person is healthy. Of course too light weight is unhealthy, but fatness is very serious healthy problem of the person's health. Fatness can be connected to adult disease. Exercising can prevent this problem.
Second, exercising can keep my blood health. Exercising controls my blood sugar and blood pressure. Diseases about blood are serious problems. Exercising prevent these serious diseases.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

I keep my health by exercising. 
>> I keep myself healthy by exercising. 

Though medicine is important to my health, but we can't keep our health by only medicine. 
>>Though medicine is important for our health, we can't keep ourselves healthy only by medicine. 

I'll cite two reasons why exercising keeps my health.
>> I'll cite two reasons why exercising keeps me healthy.

First, exercising keep my healthy weight.
>> First, exercising helps me maintain my weight.

 Weight is one of the sign of how the person is healthy. 
>>  Weight is one of the signs of how healthy a person is. 

Of course too light weight is unhealthy, but fatness is very serious healthy problem of the person's health.
>> Of course being underweight is unhealthy, but being overweight is a very serious health problem.

Fatness can be connected to adult disease.
>> Being overweight can cause diseases.

 Exercising can prevent this problem.
>>  Exercising can prevent these problems.

Second, exercising can keep my blood health.
>> Second, exercising can keep my blood healthy.

Exercising controls my blood sugar and blood pressure. 
>> This is a good sentence. 

Diseases about blood are serious problems.
>> Blood diseases are serious problems.

 Exercising prevent these serious diseases.
>> Exercising prevents these serious diseases.


Very good job, Daniel! It's good that you know how important exercising is. 

¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
112528 My homework Àü*¼± ¿Ï·á 2021-10-05 767
112527 homework Æí*ö ¿Ï·á 2021-10-05 396
112526 My homework Àü*¼± ¿Ï·á 2021-10-05 456
112525 homework À±*Àº ¿Ï·á 2021-10-05 6
112524 WORD FILE _ CORRECTION RQ from IB ¼­*¹ü ¿Ï·á 2021-10-05 4
112523 What kind of business do you think would be successful during... ±è*ÀÓ ¿Ï·á 2021-10-05 425
112522 What is your favorite drinks? ÀÌ*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2021-10-05 429
112521 Do you like yourself better with make up or no make up? ÀÌ*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2021-10-05 379
112520 homework ½Å*¾Æ ¿Ï·á 2021-10-05 1
112519 What things are replaceable? ÁÖ*¼® ¿Ï·á 2021-10-05 1093
112518 How different is North Korea from South Korea nowadays? ¹Ú*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2021-10-05 551
112517 Successful during pendemic ÀÌ*Àº ¿Ï·á 2021-10-05 766
112516 What kind of business do you think would be successful during... ÇÏ*À± ¿Ï·á 2021-10-05 465
112515 What is a common reason why people adopt a child in your country? ¾È*À± ¿Ï·á 2021-10-04 1
112514 HOMEWORK : Tell me how you spent your weekend ¹Ú*Âù ¿Ï·á 2021-10-04 461
112513 Under-20s\' home purchases face nationwide probe À¯*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-10-04 1
112512 How do you deal with backstabbers at work? ·ù*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2021-10-04 422
112511 Name-Changing Fad Grows À¯*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-10-04 1
112510 Sorry for the last class ±è*Áö ¿Ï·á 2021-10-04 1
112509 10.04 homework ÀÓ*À± ¿Ï·á 2021-10-04 0

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04