¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

ielts task 1

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ÀÌ*±¸
2021-09-03 609

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®



The chart below shows the transport preference among young people from four countries.
Among all categories car has the majority in almost every countries, reaching over 40% in every nations. In addition, they are higher than other two vehicles combined, excepting Germany.
In Great Britain and U.S.A car is the most preferred transport. It¡¯s rate reach 6%. But other vehicle are not same but similar. Great Britain¡¯s motorcycle preference is 10% and bicycle reach 30%, while U.S.A¡¯s record was opposite. Motorcycle reach 30% and bicycle 10%. France¡¯s car preference was the most dominant in every given records. It reached more than 70%. In contrast, Germany¡¯s car favor was also high but couldn¡¯t get the first place in their country, also reach the lowest car preference in four nations. Their bicycle preference is higher than car, although gap between two sectors are close.
In conclusion, almost every given countries generally likes to drive cars more than other vehicles.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hello Ian!

I think that you have a very good grasp of the organization of your discussion from the introduction, body, and conclusion. There are a few grammar slips that are important for you to note:

          1.) every- this is singular in use: Every man, every person, every country, every boy, etc.
          2.)  the - study the use of this determiner in all the inserted parts of your sentences.
          3.) reach vs reached - be consistent with the use of the tense of the verb; this is a previous research so the verbs are in the past tense.

Nonetheless, this is a very well-written IELTS answer. I will rate this at 7.2 minus the grammar mistakes (-.4) , around 6.8. So work on the suggestions and see you in class next week.

Happy weekend to you!

-T. Donna =)

The chart below shows the transport preference among young people from four countries.
>> Correct!

Among all categories car has the majority in almost every countries, reaching over 40% in every nations. In addition, they are higher than other two vehicles combined, excepting Germany.
>> Among all categories, car has the majority in almost every country, reaching over 40% in every nation. In addition, they are higher than the other two vehicles combined, except in Germany.

In Great Britain and U.S.A car is the most preferred transport. It¡¯s rate reach 6%. But other vehicle are not same but similar. 
>> In Great Britain and U.S.A, car is the most preferred transport. It¡¯s rate reached 6%. But other vehicles are not the same but similar. 

Great Britain¡¯s motorcycle preference is 10% and bicycle reach 30%, while U.S.A¡¯s record was opposite. 
>> Great Britain¡¯s motorcycle preference is 10% and bicycle reached 30%, while U.S.A¡¯s record was the opposite. 

Motorcycle reach 30% and bicycle 10%. France¡¯s car preference was the most dominant in every given records. 
>> Motorcycle reached 30% and bicycle 10%. France¡¯s car preference was the most dominant in every given record. 

It reached more than 70%. In contrast, Germany¡¯s car favor was also high but couldn¡¯t get the first place in their country, also reach the lowest car preference in four nations. 
>> It reached more than 70%. In contrast, Germany¡¯s car favor was also high but couldn¡¯t get the first place in their country, also it reached the lowest car preference in four nations.

Their bicycle preference is higher than car, although gap between two sectors are close.
>> Their bicycle preference is higher than the car, although the gap between the two sectors are close.

In conclusion, almost every given countries generally likes to drive cars more than other vehicles.
>> In conclusion, almost every given country generally likes to drive cars more than other vehicles.
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
110477 How do you cook a Pho? ye*nhi ¿Ï·á 2021-08-02 3
110476 HOMEWORK ±Ç*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2021-08-02 487
110475 homework Á¤*È£ ¿Ï·á 2021-08-02 0
110474 I want to learn to cook! ±è*¶û ¿Ï·á 2021-08-02 528
110473 Homework °­*¼± ¿Ï·á 2021-08-02 727
110472 What would you bring to a pot-luck lunch? Why? ³ë*ÀÌ ¿Ï·á 2021-08-02 2
110471 Fill in the blanks ÀÌ*À± ¿Ï·á 2021-08-02 537
110470 Neighborhood Â÷*ºó ¿Ï·á 2021-08-02 389
110469 most important subject ÃÖ*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2021-08-02 424
110468 Korean culture ÃÖ*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2021-08-02 524
110467 How do you think can the culture in Korea be preserved for many... ·ù*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2021-08-02 340
110466 What is success for you? È«*Çý ¿Ï·á 2021-08-02 7
110465 ^^ ÃÖ*Çâ ¿Ï·á 2021-08-02 0
110464 Monday homework ·ù*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2021-08-02 476
110463 Who is a successful person that you admire and why? ¹Ú*°æ ¿Ï·á 2021-08-02 578
110462 How do you avoid arguments? À±*Çö ¿Ï·á 2021-08-02 426
110461 What is your busiest day of the week? Why? À±*Çö ¿Ï·á 2021-08-02 384
110460 How would you describe your country¡¯s food? À±*Çö ¿Ï·á 2021-08-02 617
110459 What is happiness for you? À±*Çö ¿Ï·á 2021-08-02 369
110458 Colerpaiper Á¶*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-08-02 483

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04