무료 레벨테스트 받고 강사평가 남기면 1,OOO원 쿠폰 즉시 적립!

혹시 사이트에선 찾지 못한 궁금한 점이 있으세요?
남겨주신 이메일을 통해 답변 드리겠습니다.

문의하신 내용이 문자로 발송되오니
연락처를 남겨주세요.
업무시간 월~금 오전9시~오후6시
(점심시간 낮12시~오후1시)

영작교정 게시판

영어 말하기와 쓰기를 동시에 잡는다!

자신 있게 쓸 수 있는 영작문을 위해 파워잉글리쉬 수업을 수강하시는
회원님들께 무료로 제공해드리는 부가 서비스로, 전문 분야를 제외한 자유 주제
또는 강사님이 내주시는 과제를 회원님께서 영어로 작성해주시면,
담당 강사 님께서 ‘문법 오류 교정’ 과 ‘더 나은 영어식 표현’으로 교정해주는
서비스 입니다.

What women\'s law related to the article do you want to be made by your government? Share your answe

작성자: 정*우
2021-09-03 328

회원님의 영작문

I want the assembly to make a law which can reinforce the security of women. I want them to build the system of which women can report any small sexual crimes at any time and to strengthen punishment for the sexual assault, especially when involved with the children. Nowadays, social perception and attention to sexual abuse have been improved, however there is still a negative recognition that a victims of sexual abuse provide a trigger for the crime to some extent. Such prejudices make the victims to hesitate the report of sexual crime. Moreover, the Korean system regarding to the reporting and management of sexual crime is not perfectly established, which makes victims need to state the uncomfortable case repetitively. Even after having hard time to report the crime, there are many cases that the sexual offenders escape the punishment or just get a light punishment. This situation conceals many crimes and consequently, raise the crime rate.

강사님의 첨삭교정 내용

Hi Vicky!

It seems that reporting crimes is not the issue but the lack of serious attention to the report is the matter that needs to be resolved in sexual abuse. Sincerity to handle these cases are better performed by women themselves. Women need to support women to safeguard and educate them well in defending themselves at any given time they feel unsafe.

I agree with your proposition stating that women are even blamed of sending innuendos to men such as wearing daring or tight outfits, hence, resulting to sexual crimes. We can teach men to stop objectifying women.

Anyway, this is a masterpiece of writing. I really think it can make it an excellent message to the United Nations. ^^

Catch you next week. Enjoy your weekend!

-T. Donna =)

I want the assembly to make a law which can reinforce the security of women. 
>> Correct!

I want them to build the system of which women can report any small sexual crimes at any time and to strengthen punishment for the sexual assault, especially when involved with the children. 
>> Correct!

Nowadays, social perception and attention to sexual abuse have been improved, however there is still a negative recognition that a victims of sexual abuse provide a trigger for the crime to some extent. 
>> Nowadays, social perception and attention to sexual abuse have been improved, however there is still a negative recognition that a victim of sexual abuse provides a trigger for the crime to some extent. 

Such prejudices make the victims to hesitate the report of sexual crime. 
>> Such prejudices make the victims hesitate the report of sexual crime. 

Moreover, the Korean system regarding to the reporting and management of sexual crime is not perfectly established, which makes victims need to state the uncomfortable case repetitively. 
>> Moreover, the Korean system regarding reporting and management of sexual crime is not perfectly established which makes victims need to state the uncomfortable case repetitively. 

Even after having hard time to report the crime, there are many cases that the sexual offenders escape the punishment or just get a light punishment. 
>> Correct!

This situation conceals many crimes and consequently, raise the crime rate.
>> Correct!
번호 제목 글쓴이 공개 상태 등록일 조회수
111020 8.18 homework 임*윤 완료 2021-08-18 3
111019 Homework: 전*옥 완료 2021-08-18 2
111018 How would you improve it to defend against ninjas? 윤*진 완료 2021-08-18 5
111017 ielts task 1 bar graph 이*구 완료 2021-08-18 384
111016 What exotic foods do you want to try and why? 오*은 완료 2021-08-18 374
111015 Do you think you need to borrow a big amount of money from the... 이*연 완료 2021-08-18 275
111014 Is there a kind of TV show that you will never watch? 전*원 완료 2021-08-18 762
111013 Hi Kate :) 김*원 완료 2021-08-18 2
111012 How do you protect your privacy with your phone and social media... 정*우 완료 2021-08-18 351
111011 HOMEWORK 강*아 완료 2021-08-18 327
111010 1st homework 김*미 완료 2021-08-18 4
111009 Homework 강*아 완료 2021-08-18 573
111008 Homework 강*선 완료 2021-08-18 308
111007 What are your priorities in getting a job? 조*애 완료 2021-08-18 1
111006 homework 정*호 완료 2021-08-18 0
111005 Page 43 오*은 완료 2021-08-18 320
111004 homework 이*훈 완료 2021-08-18 1
111003 homework 이*훈 완료 2021-08-18 1
111002 homework 이*훈 완료 2021-08-18 2
111001 Fill in the blanks 이*윤 완료 2021-08-18 310

HOW TO USE IT?

[마이페이지 > 수업 내용 보기 > 학습 캘린더 > 영작교정 버튼 클릭]

수업 횟수만큼 영작교정 게시판이 생성되며,
지난 날짜에도 게시 할 수 있습니다.

주5회 수업 : 월 20회 이용 가능
주3회 수업 : 월 12회 이용 가능
주2회 수업 : 월 08회 이용 가능
01
교정 내용은 최대 1,000byte까지 올릴 수 있습니다.

첨부 파일은 원활한 첨삭을 위한 참고자료로 사용될 뿐,
파일에 대한 첨삭은 불가능 합니다.

업로드 가능한 첨부 파일은 최대 2mb까지이며,
첨부 할 수 있는 파일 형식은 다음과 같습니다.

문서 - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
이미지 - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
전문 분야를 제외한 회원님이 직접 작성한 글만
첨삭이 가능하며,

올려주신 글의 강사님 첨삭은 24시간 이내에
완료 되는 것을 원칙으로 하고 있습니다.
03
하루 게시 가능한 글은 3회까지 이며,
종료된 수업의 영작교정 게시판은
이용이 어려운 점 양해 부탁 드립니다.
04

와이즈에듀케이션아이(주) 사이트명: 파워잉글리쉬 대표이사 전상현
사업자등록번호: 217-81-44736 통신판매신고번호: 2014-서울도봉-0233호
서울본사: 서울시 노원구 한글비석로 245 두타빌 B동 7층 713호
대표번호 1688-8672 개인정보관리 책임자: 안희영 [powerenglish@pweng.net]