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영작교정 게시판

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자신 있게 쓸 수 있는 영작문을 위해 파워잉글리쉬 수업을 수강하시는
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담당 강사 님께서 ‘문법 오류 교정’ 과 ‘더 나은 영어식 표현’으로 교정해주는
서비스 입니다.

What women\'s law related to the article do you want to be made by your government? Share your answe

작성자: 정*우
2021-09-03 348

회원님의 영작문

I want the assembly to make a law which can reinforce the security of women. I want them to build the system of which women can report any small sexual crimes at any time and to strengthen punishment for the sexual assault, especially when involved with the children. Nowadays, social perception and attention to sexual abuse have been improved, however there is still a negative recognition that a victims of sexual abuse provide a trigger for the crime to some extent. Such prejudices make the victims to hesitate the report of sexual crime. Moreover, the Korean system regarding to the reporting and management of sexual crime is not perfectly established, which makes victims need to state the uncomfortable case repetitively. Even after having hard time to report the crime, there are many cases that the sexual offenders escape the punishment or just get a light punishment. This situation conceals many crimes and consequently, raise the crime rate.

강사님의 첨삭교정 내용

Hi Vicky!

It seems that reporting crimes is not the issue but the lack of serious attention to the report is the matter that needs to be resolved in sexual abuse. Sincerity to handle these cases are better performed by women themselves. Women need to support women to safeguard and educate them well in defending themselves at any given time they feel unsafe.

I agree with your proposition stating that women are even blamed of sending innuendos to men such as wearing daring or tight outfits, hence, resulting to sexual crimes. We can teach men to stop objectifying women.

Anyway, this is a masterpiece of writing. I really think it can make it an excellent message to the United Nations. ^^

Catch you next week. Enjoy your weekend!

-T. Donna =)

I want the assembly to make a law which can reinforce the security of women. 
>> Correct!

I want them to build the system of which women can report any small sexual crimes at any time and to strengthen punishment for the sexual assault, especially when involved with the children. 
>> Correct!

Nowadays, social perception and attention to sexual abuse have been improved, however there is still a negative recognition that a victims of sexual abuse provide a trigger for the crime to some extent. 
>> Nowadays, social perception and attention to sexual abuse have been improved, however there is still a negative recognition that a victim of sexual abuse provides a trigger for the crime to some extent. 

Such prejudices make the victims to hesitate the report of sexual crime. 
>> Such prejudices make the victims hesitate the report of sexual crime. 

Moreover, the Korean system regarding to the reporting and management of sexual crime is not perfectly established, which makes victims need to state the uncomfortable case repetitively. 
>> Moreover, the Korean system regarding reporting and management of sexual crime is not perfectly established which makes victims need to state the uncomfortable case repetitively. 

Even after having hard time to report the crime, there are many cases that the sexual offenders escape the punishment or just get a light punishment. 
>> Correct!

This situation conceals many crimes and consequently, raise the crime rate.
>> Correct!
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