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영작교정 게시판

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자신 있게 쓸 수 있는 영작문을 위해 파워잉글리쉬 수업을 수강하시는
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담당 강사 님께서 ‘문법 오류 교정’ 과 ‘더 나은 영어식 표현’으로 교정해주는
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n many situations, people who break the law should be warned instead of punished. To what extent do

작성자: 황*하
2021-09-06 488

회원님의 영작문

I don't think that the punishment is the best way to prevent from the crime but it sometimes need to save people who are suffering from various situation such as a sexual harassment, a crime of violence and juvenile offence. Korea is well known for the lenient sentences, especially, to rich and high position people. There is saying "there is one law for the rich and another for the poor. Nevertheless, I think that people who break the law have to be punished. In addition, our law doesn't impose a penalty to teenagers due to their age but there are numerous crime happened by teenagers who are younger than 15 years old. They even commit a crime because they know very well that they will not go to prison. So I want law makers to make a bill for sentencing heavy verdicts and expect to reduce the crime rate in my country. I also agree that citizen's mind is more important to prevent from the crime and for this education is essential.

강사님의 첨삭교정 내용

Hi there Mr. Hwang! Today is....... MY BIRTHDAY! Where is my present??? kkkk kidding!!! Anyway, thanks for your ideas on your essays. Keep writing and improve your written English. I think you're better in writing than in speaking. kkkk kidding again! Have a nice day! See you tomorrow!
>>> TEACHER GEMMA
I don't think that the punishment is the best way to prevent from the crime but it sometimes need to save people who are suffering from various situation such as a sexual harassment, a crime of violence and juvenile offence.
>>> I don't think that the punishment is the best way to prevent crime but it sometimes need to save people who are suffering from various situations such  sexual harassment, crime of violence and juvenile offence. 
Korea is well known for the lenient sentences, especially, to rich and high position people. 
>>> CORRECT
There is saying "there is one law for the rich and another for the poor. 
>>> There is a saying "there is one law for the rich and another for the poor. 
Nevertheless, I think that people who break the law have to be punished. 
>>> CORRECT
In addition, our law doesn't impose a penalty to teenagers due to their age but there are numerous crime happened by teenagers who are younger than 15 years old.
>>> In addition, our law doesn't impose a penalty to teenagers due to their age but there are numerous crime committed by teenagers who are younger than 15 years old.
 They even commit a crime because they know very well that they will not go to prison.
>>>  They even commit a crime because they know very well that they will not be imprisoned.
 So I want law makers to make a bill for sentencing heavy verdicts and expect to reduce the crime rate in my country.
>>>  So I want  the law makers to make a bill for sentencing heavy verdicts and expect to reduce crime rate in my country.
 I also agree that citizen's mind is more important to prevent from the crime and for this education is essential.
>>>  I also agree that citizen's mind is more important to prevent crime. With this education is essential.
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