¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

n many situations, people who break the law should be warned instead of punished. To what extent do

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: Ȳ*ÇÏ
2021-09-06 438

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

I don't think that the punishment is the best way to prevent from the crime but it sometimes need to save people who are suffering from various situation such as a sexual harassment, a crime of violence and juvenile offence. Korea is well known for the lenient sentences, especially, to rich and high position people. There is saying "there is one law for the rich and another for the poor. Nevertheless, I think that people who break the law have to be punished. In addition, our law doesn't impose a penalty to teenagers due to their age but there are numerous crime happened by teenagers who are younger than 15 years old. They even commit a crime because they know very well that they will not go to prison. So I want law makers to make a bill for sentencing heavy verdicts and expect to reduce the crime rate in my country. I also agree that citizen's mind is more important to prevent from the crime and for this education is essential.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi there Mr. Hwang! Today is....... MY BIRTHDAY! Where is my present??? kkkk kidding!!! Anyway, thanks for your ideas on your essays. Keep writing and improve your written English. I think you're better in writing than in speaking. kkkk kidding again! Have a nice day! See you tomorrow!
>>> TEACHER GEMMA
I don't think that the punishment is the best way to prevent from the crime but it sometimes need to save people who are suffering from various situation such as a sexual harassment, a crime of violence and juvenile offence.
>>> I don't think that the punishment is the best way to prevent crime but it sometimes need to save people who are suffering from various situations such  sexual harassment, crime of violence and juvenile offence. 
Korea is well known for the lenient sentences, especially, to rich and high position people. 
>>> CORRECT
There is saying "there is one law for the rich and another for the poor. 
>>> There is a saying "there is one law for the rich and another for the poor. 
Nevertheless, I think that people who break the law have to be punished. 
>>> CORRECT
In addition, our law doesn't impose a penalty to teenagers due to their age but there are numerous crime happened by teenagers who are younger than 15 years old.
>>> In addition, our law doesn't impose a penalty to teenagers due to their age but there are numerous crime committed by teenagers who are younger than 15 years old.
 They even commit a crime because they know very well that they will not go to prison.
>>>  They even commit a crime because they know very well that they will not be imprisoned.
 So I want law makers to make a bill for sentencing heavy verdicts and expect to reduce the crime rate in my country.
>>>  So I want  the law makers to make a bill for sentencing heavy verdicts and expect to reduce crime rate in my country.
 I also agree that citizen's mind is more important to prevent from the crime and for this education is essential.
>>>  I also agree that citizen's mind is more important to prevent crime. With this education is essential.
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
112778 homework ±Ç*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2021-10-12 3
112777 Ideal job. ¹Î*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2021-10-12 1
112776 What do you think is the hardest part about being a student?... ·ù*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2021-10-12 429
112775 Tuesday Homework ·ù*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2021-10-12 406
112774 Essay ÀÌ*°æ ¿Ï·á 2021-10-12 426
112773 home work ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2021-10-12 388
112772 How did you spend your long weekend? ±è*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2021-10-12 0
112771 Cartoons ±â*Çö ¿Ï·á 2021-10-12 421
112770 e-mail correction ¹Ú*±¤ ¿Ï·á 2021-10-12 1
112769 Homework ÇÔ*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2021-10-12 1
112768 Please make a sentence with these expressions: ·ù*¼± ¿Ï·á 2021-10-12 448
112767 What are the things you are good at? ÁÖ*¼® ¿Ï·á 2021-10-12 0
112766 wild fire À±*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-10-12 2
112765 Young adult\'s most hardest thing ÀÌ*Àº ¿Ï·á 2021-10-12 457
112764 Why I don\'t be a heavier ±è*¼º ¿Ï·á 2021-10-12 369
112763 HOMEWORK ½Å*¾Æ ¿Ï·á 2021-10-12 3
112762 If you were a song, what song would you be and why? ·ù*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2021-10-12 398
112761 How many languages do you want to speak fluently? Why? ¼Û*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-10-11 0
112760 What\'s your thought on patriarchal societies? ¼Û*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-10-11 0
112759 Have you ever visited a society where most people speak only one... ¼Û*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-10-11 0

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04