¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

n many situations, people who break the law should be warned instead of punished. To what extent do

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: Ȳ*ÇÏ
2021-09-06 302

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

I don't think that the punishment is the best way to prevent from the crime but it sometimes need to save people who are suffering from various situation such as a sexual harassment, a crime of violence and juvenile offence. Korea is well known for the lenient sentences, especially, to rich and high position people. There is saying "there is one law for the rich and another for the poor. Nevertheless, I think that people who break the law have to be punished. In addition, our law doesn't impose a penalty to teenagers due to their age but there are numerous crime happened by teenagers who are younger than 15 years old. They even commit a crime because they know very well that they will not go to prison. So I want law makers to make a bill for sentencing heavy verdicts and expect to reduce the crime rate in my country. I also agree that citizen's mind is more important to prevent from the crime and for this education is essential.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi there Mr. Hwang! Today is....... MY BIRTHDAY! Where is my present??? kkkk kidding!!! Anyway, thanks for your ideas on your essays. Keep writing and improve your written English. I think you're better in writing than in speaking. kkkk kidding again! Have a nice day! See you tomorrow!
>>> TEACHER GEMMA
I don't think that the punishment is the best way to prevent from the crime but it sometimes need to save people who are suffering from various situation such as a sexual harassment, a crime of violence and juvenile offence.
>>> I don't think that the punishment is the best way to prevent crime but it sometimes need to save people who are suffering from various situations such  sexual harassment, crime of violence and juvenile offence. 
Korea is well known for the lenient sentences, especially, to rich and high position people. 
>>> CORRECT
There is saying "there is one law for the rich and another for the poor. 
>>> There is a saying "there is one law for the rich and another for the poor. 
Nevertheless, I think that people who break the law have to be punished. 
>>> CORRECT
In addition, our law doesn't impose a penalty to teenagers due to their age but there are numerous crime happened by teenagers who are younger than 15 years old.
>>> In addition, our law doesn't impose a penalty to teenagers due to their age but there are numerous crime committed by teenagers who are younger than 15 years old.
 They even commit a crime because they know very well that they will not go to prison.
>>>  They even commit a crime because they know very well that they will not be imprisoned.
 So I want law makers to make a bill for sentencing heavy verdicts and expect to reduce the crime rate in my country.
>>>  So I want  the law makers to make a bill for sentencing heavy verdicts and expect to reduce crime rate in my country.
 I also agree that citizen's mind is more important to prevent from the crime and for this education is essential.
>>>  I also agree that citizen's mind is more important to prevent crime. With this education is essential.
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
111460 What my mom will cook in my birthday ±è*¼º ¿Ï·á 2021-09-01 387
111459 Which among the 10 Finnish innovations has the least use? ¾È*À± ¿Ï·á 2021-08-31 1
111458 what is better to have? ÀÌ*ÇÏ ¿Ï·á 2021-08-31 371
111457 What do you think are the qualities of a good leader? ±è*ȯ ¿Ï·á 2021-08-31 290
111456 Writing task: Who is a better cook, your mother or your... Á¶*¾Ö ¿Ï·á 2021-08-31 0
111455 South Korea sends back 1 unidentified Afghan during evacuation :... À¯*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-08-31 1
111454 13 ä*¼­ ¿Ï·á 2021-08-31 376
111453 I Think a Singapore has cleanest air Á¤*¾Æ ¿Ï·á 2021-08-31 593
111452 HOME is house with family ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2021-08-31 265
111451 8.31 homework ÀÓ*À± ¿Ï·á 2021-08-31 2
111450 ¼÷Á¦ ±è*ºñ ¿Ï·á 2021-08-31 361
111449 Shakespear\'s invented Words À±*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-08-31 1
111448 Do you have any tips for making air travel more enjoyable? ±è*¼ö ¿Ï·á 2021-08-31 245
111447 What countries do you imagine have the cleanest air? ±è*¼ö ¿Ï·á 2021-08-31 260
111446 ¼÷Á¦ ±è*ºñ ¿Ï·á 2021-08-31 597
111445 Homework ½É*»ó ¿Ï·á 2021-08-31 213
111444 Fill in the blanks ÀÌ*À± ¿Ï·á 2021-08-31 310
111443 Homework Ç¥*È£ ¿Ï·á 2021-08-31 6
111442 Homework À±*ÀÓ ¿Ï·á 2021-08-31 249
111441 What do you think is going to happen in your life next year? ·ù*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2021-08-31 280

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04