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영작교정 게시판

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What do you think the most common crime in your country is? Do you think the emotion of hate will ev

작성자: 선*
2021-09-07 290

회원님의 영작문

The most common crime in my county is violence closely related to our lives such as domestic, verbal, sexual, physical, and racial, etc. Nowadays almost 100 percent of news is reporting about violence. Recently, the worst news is sexual violence to his own daughter who was 20 months old and then physically harmed her. She ended up dying in her house. It sounds so terrible. I claim that this kind of person is put on a life sentence.
Another common crime is hate crime which is happening in the US. After covid 19 broke out, that hate crime to Asian Americans happens a lot, especially in the US. Some Americans are envious of rich Asian Americans, they seem to think that Asian has taken their own fortune, even Asians are not, even Asians are not American though they were born in America.
Philosophers have argued for a long time we humans were born with goodwill and bad will, so we need to be educated to do what is right to live together in society.

강사님의 첨삭교정 내용

Hi there Sun Jung! Thank you for remembering your homework from me. I do appreciate the effort of doing so. Takec care!
~Aki :)
The most common crime in my county is violence closely related to our lives such as domestic, verbal, sexual, physical, and racial, etc.
>>> The most common crime in my county is violence which is closely related to our lives such as domestic, verbal, sexual, physical, and racial, etc.
 Nowadays, almost 100 percent of news is reporting about violence. 
>>> CORRECT!
OR >> These days, the most common content of news report has something to do with violence.
Recently, the worst news is sexual violence to his own daughter who was 20 months old and then physically harmed her. 
>>> Recently, the worst news is about a father who sexually and physically harmed his own daughter who is 20 months old.
She ended up dying in her house. It sounds so terrible. I claim that this kind of person is put on a life sentence.
>>> She ended up dying in her house. It sounds so terrible. I claim that this kind of person shall be put on a life sentence.
Another common crime is hate crime which is happening in the US. 
>>> CORRECT!
OR >>  another is, hate crime which is commonly happening in the US.
After covid 19 broke out, that hate crime to Asian Americans happens a lot, especially in the US. 
>>> After the outbreakof Covid19,  that hate crime to Asian- Americans happens a lot, especially in the US. 
Some Americans are envious of rich Asian Americans, they seem to think that Asian has taken their own fortune, even Asians are not, even Asians are not American though they were born in America.
>>> Some Americans are envious of rich Asian- Americans, they seem to think that Asians had taken their own fortune even if they are not. Evne these Asians are not Americans though they were born in America.
Philosophers have argued for a long time we humans were born with goodwill and bad will, so we need to be educated to do what is right to live together in society.
>>> Philosophers have argued for a long time we humans were born with good and bad will, so we need to be educated to do what is right to live together in society.
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