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영작교정 게시판

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Some countries are considering imposing curfews in which teenagers will not be allowed outdoors at n

작성자: 황*하
2021-09-07 319

회원님의 영작문

The night curfew had been in place between September 1945 and January 1982 in Korea. When it was enforced, all citizens were ordered to stay indoors from midnight until 4 a.m. Although, it is not exactly same as juvenile curfew, it is proved that curfews weren't effective to reduce crime rate. Children have to be protected by country and parents but curfews aren't the right way to keep them safe. If the main purpose is keep children away from the criminals, it create more serious crime because juvenile tends to act exactly opposite way what adults want to. Most of them may try to find the way to go out and then do accidentally such as driving car, having drug, and doing illegal things. Furthermore, it is the waste of police resources. Police officers are forced to monitor, arrest, and process curfew violations, they are unable to direct their energies to dealing with actually dangerous behavior. This leads to victims who might be able to save from the crime. To sum up, I don't agree

강사님의 첨삭교정 내용

LOVELY DAY TO YOU MR. HWANG! ^^
Each and every day is a beautiful gift from God to humanity, and I pray that every good thing that life has got to offer today, will never pass you by. 
It’s hope God will give you the grace, courage and strength to always make the best of each and every day. Have a great time~! ^^
>>> TEACHER GEMMA
The night curfew had been in place between September 1945 and January 1982 in Korea.
>>> CORRECT
 When it was enforced, all citizens were ordered to stay indoors from midnight until 4 a.m. 
>>> CORRECT
Although, it is not exactly same as juvenile curfew, it is proved that curfews weren't effective to reduce crime rate.
>>> Although, it is not exactly the same as juvenile curfew, it proves that curfews weren't effective to reduce crime rate.
 Children have to be protected by country and parents but curfews aren't the right way to keep them safe
>>>  Children have to be protected by the country and their parents but curfews aren't the right way to keep them safe.
 If the main purpose is keep children away from the criminals, it create more serious crime because juvenile tends to act exactly opposite way what adults want to. 
>>>  If the main purpose is to keep children away from criminals, it create more serious crime because juvenile tends to act exactly opposite the way what adults want. 
Most of them may try to find the way to go out and then do accidentally such as driving car, having drug, and doing illegal things. 
>>> CORRECT
Furthermore, it a waste for police resources.
>>> CORRECT
Police officers are forced to monitor, arrest, and process curfew violations, they are unable to direct their energies to dealing with actual dangerous behavior. 
>>> CORRECT
This leads to victims who might be able to save from the crime. 
>>> CORRECT
To sum up, I don't agree...
>>> CORRECT
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