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영작교정 게시판

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자신 있게 쓸 수 있는 영작문을 위해 파워잉글리쉬 수업을 수강하시는
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서비스 입니다.

Please compare the healthcare system of America and South Korea.

작성자: 류*선
2021-09-08 234

회원님의 영작문

It different a lot of healthcare system of America and South Korea. I must make an appointment before I go to the hospital in the USA. Also, the operating healthcare system is very slow. I had experienced that when I became pregnant, I couldn't eat anything. I needed to get IV. However, American hospitals usually don't give IV to their patients easily. It was a very painful time for me. Finally, I was miscarriage and I lost heath. They just wanted to follow their rules. I've seen a lot of people who don't have access to their health care system. I saw people waiting for death because they didn't have money to get medical support.

On the other hand, In the South Korea, the healthcare system is faster than in the USA. In addition, it's important price isn't expensive. Furthermore, I could get cured right away without an appointment. It is very convenient. So, when I visit South Korea, I never forget to visit various hospitals for healthcare. I miss Korean healthcare system.

Thanks!:)

강사님의 첨삭교정 내용

Good evening, Jane! I am so sorry to hear about your terrible experience in America. I thought America offers the best healthcare service, but it's not what I expected. I hope you and your family are always safe and in shape!-Faith-
It different a lot of healthcare system of America and South Korea. 
>> The healthcare system of America and South Korea is a lot different. 
I must make an appointment before I go to the hospital in the USA. 
>> CORRECT
Also, the operating healthcare system is very slow. 
>> Also, their healthcare service is very slow. 
I had experienced that when I became pregnant, I couldn't eat anything. I needed to get IV. 
>> I had experienced that when I became pregnant, I couldn't eat anything so I needed to get an IV. 
However, American hospitals usually don't give IV to their patients easily. 
>> However, American hospitals usually don't give an IV to their patients easily. 
It was a very painful time for me. 
>> CORRECT
OR It was devastating for me.
Finally, I was miscarriage and I lost heath. 
>> Unfortunately, I had a miscarriage and my health deteriorates. 
They just wanted to follow their rules. 
>> Sadly, they just wanted to follow their rules. 
I've seen a lot of people who don't have access to their health care system. 
>> CORRECT
I saw people waiting for death because they didn't have money to get medical support.
>> I saw some people waiting for their death because they didn't have money to get medical support.
On the other hand, In the South Korea, the healthcare system is faster than in the USA. 
>> On the other hand, in South Korea, the healthcare system is faster than in the USA. 
In addition, it's important price isn't expensive. 
>> In addition, it's important that the hospital fee isn't high. 
Furthermore, I could get cured right away without an appointment. 
>> CORRECT
OR Moreover, they accept walk-in patients.
It is very convenient. 
>> CORRECT
So, when I visit South Korea, I never forget to visit various hospitals for healthcare. 
>> So, when I visit South Korea, I never forget to visit various hospitals for my healthcare. 
I miss Korean healthcare system.
>> I miss the Korean healthcare system.
Thanks!:)
>> CORRECT
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